The terror that is Disney

Yo homies! We're here, the boys are both still snoring, and for God knows what reason I'm up already. Oh yeah, because my back (or more properly targeting, my ASS) is still killing me.

We arrived in Orlando yesterday around 10:30 thanks to our friends at AirTran, who managed not to throw any kids off the airplane yesterday. What we did have was a slight delay in leaving the airport, thanks to the numbnut who "forgot" that he was carrying his gun when he got to security without going through some rigamarole at checkin. And luckily for me, said numbnut and his lovely wife sat right next to me with said pistol in a case on his lap. And even more luckily, he was in such a delightful mood and looked so much like he walked right out of Deliverence that I didn't fear once for my life. Even after Monkey Man asked for the umpteen gazillionth time when we were going to be there.

There is one thing AirTran could do a better job with - the freaking luggage. I swear we must have waited a good 30 minutes before the first suitcases came rolling from the bowels of the airport. And they make several flights share the same carousel, which leads to hilarity and hijinks like nothing I've ever seen. Years ago after some asshole picked up one of our suitcases (and of course I was pregnant and my heart monitor and meds were in the suitcase so obviously, uh, I kind of needed it and being all hormonal and stuff it almost made me literally turn the Lost Luggage person for American Airlines inside out) I started tying really obnoxious girly-looking ribbons to the handles that no man with even a morsel of testosterone will even come within 30 feet of them. Well, except Joey, but I digress. The shit works.

Then, on to the rental company. What a fucking freak show that place was. We rode on a bus to get to the rental place and of course, we sat with these two young kids with wierd colored hair, piercings, and tattoos. Personally, if someone wants to do that to themselves, I'm cool with that - but the whole bus ride I was praying that Monkey Man wouldn't choose that one time all day to make an actually loudly audible statement about said tattoos, piercings, and hair. You know, because that's how kids are. But he didn't. Inside was even worse, including a guy that looked like Santa Claus who hadn't bathed since like two Christmases ago and was wearing this nasty white terry-cloth baseball hat, some pants that looked like they could run off on their own, and a ton of NASCAR pit passes on strings around his neck. Probably a team owner or something like that.

Finally, we were on our way. Stopped for lunch at Bennigan's (a place I haven't eaten at since I was in Dallas in 1999 and now I remember why even though there's one literally two blocks from my office), then on to the hotel where we all stretched out for a 2-hour nap before heading off to the Magic Kingdom.

We got there around 5 PM and really, our timing couldn't have been better. Got almost a front-row parking spot, the lines were pretty short, and the park really wasn't that crowded considering it's a "holiday week" (for who I don't know, but I digress). Our mission was to see one of the two parades, catch the fireworks, hit some things we missed last time, and have dinner. We did a lot of "uncool" stuff that most of the guidebooks tell you are a waste of time, like the Country Bear Jamboree (we laughed our asses off at some of the lyrics)and the Enchanted Tiki Room (which apparently is under new management but was really kind of lame). We hit the Pirates of the Carribean ride, which had a very long line (45 minutes) and scared Monkey Man because they have skeletons and it's pretty dark and gloomy - I'd probably save this ride for when a kid is older, especially if they're even remotely easily scared.

Dinner was pretty cool. Last year, we had signed up for a "character dining" experience at the Liberty Tree Tavern, mostly not for the characters that they featured but because out of all of them, that one has the best character experiences because it's not too crowded and they have a small number of dining rooms to visit. The food sucked, however, and once Uncle Walt bent us over we were kind of hesitant to go back. Time, however, erases these memories so as we walked by last night around 8 PM Joey asked me if I wanted to give it a try again. We sidled on up into line - expecting to be turned away because we didn't have reservations - and ended up landing a great table in about 5 minutes. We saw Minnie Mouse, Chip and Dale, Goofy and Pluto. If they'd had Chippendales, that would've been better, but I digress. We had the characters come to the table twice and got plenty of pictures. The food - well, it was better this year, maybe because we ate so late and the old food from the day before was gone. They serve family style, and you get - roast pork, roast turkey, flank steak, gravy, mashed potatoes (which I daresay were actually real since they had actual lumps in them...actual lumps of what I don't know, but don't kill the dream for me), green beans, stuffing, and of course the requisite mac & cheese since the thing is sponsored by Stouffer's. Joey thought that was the best, and you know, I've had Stouffer's mac & cheese before and found it pretty decent, but it was like just heated up and not browned on top so it was kind of gross. Of course, you know, his taste in food is a little dicey so keep that in mind.

We missed the first parade, but hit the fireworks show (WOW) and then Monkey Man said he wanted to call it a day. Once we herded through the masses to the monorail and then the parking lot, we steered our way back to the hotel and crashed. I think it was around 11 when we got here and we were all exhausted.

Today, we meet our friends at Sea World for the day. Meeting them is always fun, but nerve-wracking as they will find some way to avoid spending money all day and their kids will be whiny and crabby by the end of the day. So there's that. I just want to see hot dudes in wet suits, which I know won't be happening since the last time we were there the dudes all weighed about 90 pounds soaking wet. Oh well.

Pictures to come. Oh, and the boys are slowly feeling better - I think Monkey Man made it all night with only one coughing fit, and Joey is slowly patching himself up with many medications. Now, if I can just get my back right....