My sweet, precious boy. And tequila!

I have a sneaking suspicion that this week will give me a renewed respect for single parents.

Last week, Joey called me and asked if it would be okay for him to head down to Florida for a few days.  Some kind of fancy-schmancy golf school that his largest manufacturer has invited him to attend on his dime.  And like his guitar playing, his golf game could definitely use some improvement - not to mention this is a great opportunity to do a little networking with some other companies in the same league but different parts of the US and Canada to see what the market is doing.  So I said fine.  And I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say he had a look of glee in his eye as he was loading up his clubs in the Pimp Mobile today.  Not at all.

Monkey Man is your typical 7-year old boy.  If his head wasn't attached to his body via his neck, he'd probably have left it behind at least a million times.  And that's a low estimate.  Tonight, we got home from dinner and I asked him to go ahead and take his bath.  I followed him upstairs to monitor the starting of the water and also putting the stopper down (he is infamous for forgetting while hundreds of gallons of water go gushing down the drain while he is picking toe fuzz out from between his toes), and then told him to make sure he turned the water off.  I headed downstairs to change clothes, got a phone call, and then I suddenly noticed that I could still hear water running.  And running.  And running.  I went back upstairs to discover my kid - who was supposed to be on the toilet taking a dump but instead was reenacting some sort of music video while bouncing up and down on the toilet seat - while the bathtub was probably only two inches from overflowing.

It's gonna be a loooong four days.  Good thing we have Xanax and bourbon.

*****

This past weekend we made a surprise trip up to Baltimore for a surprise birthday party for Heather (Mama Maven).  Unfortunately, some poor kid let the cat out of the bag the evening before, so she knew there was a party but thankfully was unaware that we were coming along with her childhood friend Sheri.  

Scott (G-Man) and all of their friends did a great job planning the party, and I have to say that they really have a fantastic group of friends.  There was one slight hiccup to the evening, namely when one of the attendees that we were introduced to actually realized I was Builder Mama.  I think my face turned about twenty shades of red and purple, because all I could think was that the poor guy was probably recalling Scott's tale of my Vegas proposition in the elevator.  Not really something you want church-going folks to know when they meet you for the first time, ahem.  Thankfully, I was not cast out of the house and we got to enjoy some great company as well as chocolate!  and tequila!  Life doesn't get much better than that.  

We also got to see one of my favorite PIM's, Christina, and her great family for a very late lunch on Saturday after we fought our way through the aquarium.  Her son and Monkey Man instantly hit it off, while I got to enjoy some quality bouncing time with her adorable daughter.  And did I mention that Christina gives the best hugs ever?  Yup.

It was a great, fun weekend.  And I think Joey and I realized that maybe we, too, could find a church home where people drink tequila.  

Getting there

At least today I'm not getting the crushing stomach cramps that I was having yesterday and all night last night. I still feel kind of achy and exhausted, though. Total food count for today is 1 piece of toast, 1 cup applesauce, and some Kraft Easy Mac. Oh, and some muffins. So far, so good.

Our trip to Baltimore was great! We got up there Friday around 11 AM and the hotel was nice enough to let us go ahead and check in before we went over to the ESPN Zone for lunch. We had a great lunch (although the kids' menu does not have chicken strips or nuggets which caused Monkey Man's head to spin rapidly - they did have grilled chicken strips though which passed his muster) and then went upstairs to the arcade to kill some time before we could get our aquarium tickets at will call.

And that's where I discovered that Monkey Man is an air hockey machine. The kid is actually really good at it, and we played and played. He was pretty funny - there were umpteen gazillion games to play there, and all he did was move from air hockey table to air hockey table through the whole arcade. We did get him to do some bowling and a basketball game, but it was all about the air hockey.

Then, on to the aquarium. The special exhibit on frogs was the definite hit of the day, followed by the sharks at a close second. We had to practically drag Monkey Man out of there so we had time to run back to the hotel for a quick rest and tidying up for dinner.

All the tidying up was for naught, though, because we ended up walking to the restaurant and it was so fucking cold and windy that I was surprised to have any hair left on my head when we got there! We met Mama Maven and G-Man with their daughters at McCormick & Schmick for dinner and had a really wonderful time. Maven and I met on an online working mom's support group about 5 years ago and it was so nice to get to see her again and meet the infamous G-Man and Princess Drama Queen and Boobah.

And that's when it happened. Monkey Man, who had previously refused to leave his outpost between Joey and myself, was soon captivated by the charms of PDQ and then insisted on moving next to her where the two of them pretended to talk on cell phones and colored and engaged in typical 5-year-old dialogue ("I'm five!" "I'm five too!" "I turned five in November!" "I will be six in March!" and so on - constant one-upsmanship). The kids were immaculately behaved despite the dismantling of part of one of the baseboard heater, which Boobah proudly brandished as she walked over to our table to the laughter of the tables around us. And yes, there was talk of poop and puke and boogers during dessert because we are badasses and we can talk about that stuff while we wolf down bread pudding and creme brulee.

Saturday morning, we had breakfast at the hotel and then took a cab over to the Maryland Science Center. My review - great for older kids, not so great for kids that can't read. Monkey Man really loved the dinosaur exhibit because they have actual fossils that the kids can touch and do "archaeologist" stuff to, but he was pretty frustrated with a lot of the exhibits because, well, he doesn't understand things like mass and velocity. And neither do I, ha ha.

Then we made the classic error of taking him to the IMAX movie "Into the Deep". I figured hey, it's about fish and shit like that, he'll be fine. Well, it's not only HUGE like IMAX films are, but it was 3-D and within the first 3 minutes poor Monkey Man was shaking like a leaf and begging us to go. He toughed it out a few more minutes but in the interest of not having a week full of nightmares of big fish trying to eat him, we ended up leaving. Oh well, there goes that money down the drain.

Then we walked all around the Inner Harbor and then back to the hotel to rest before dinner. Frankly, I started feeling kind of rough around Saturday afternoon, which I think is probably when Said Stomach Virus set in. We went back to ESPN Zone for dinner and playing at the arcade and then called it a night.

Sunday morning we decided to get up, hit the road, and do a little shopping on the way back. Well, when we went into the mall there were partly cloudy skies and it was cold...when we came out 2 hours later, there was 1/2" of snow on the ground and it was coming down like crazy. We ended up getting stuck on the interstate for over 2 hours to get 3 miles...Joey was a total nervous wreck and I believe poured himself a huge glass of bourbon when we got home. And we picked up the dog, and by the time we got home I was in total agony and the real fun started.

Last night I barely slept between the stomach cramping and the weird dreams I was having about being on Miami Ink and trying to get a tattoo that I couldn't decide what it would be.

So, here I sit. I still feel exhausted and weak, but at least I don't want to rip my stomach out. Yet. I think the Kraft Easy Mac will be the real test. Stay tuned for Gastrointestinal Hell 2007!