This and that

This livin' right is gunna kill me

Week two of my Fitness Makeover Extravaganza. Unfortunately, my intake of a Fiber One bar yesterday caused some, um, digestive discomfort so I was forced to take the day off for fear of sharting myself on the treadmill.

Yes, I said shart.

Other than that, it's going pretty well. And my first race of the season is Saturday. I am not ready, and I'm praying for no sharting.

*****

Deja Vu

I was reading GMan's blog tonight about his son's weekend visit and the disaster that was his formerly clean closet. Boy, did that bring back some memories.

When Joey and I first got married, his brother Kenny lived with us. He was single, worked for Joey, and generally had zero ambition. We had been talking for months about him finding his own place to live, because dude - it ain't cool to crash with your brother and his new wife. Not to mention that although I love the guy to death, he is a horrible slob. Before I moved in, the two of them refused to wash any dishes so they either ate off plastic or threw away the dishes, pots and pans as they used them. Kenny's room typically looked like a bomb had hit it - his typical MO every morning was to pick clothes up off of the floor, sniff them, and then deem if they were non-toxic enough to wear.

So about two months after we got married, I was doing my weekly cleaning of our house and opened the guest room door to get out the vacuum cleaner only to find a pile of black socks about two feet high. I stalked into our living room where Mr. Clueless was playing video games and demanded to know if those were his socks in there.

"Yeah, dude...they smelled so bad I didn't want them in my room."

And that was the day his welcome was officially worn out.

*****

Moon river

Today was my monthly waxing appointment, and if you've been hanging around here for a while you know that this can be a very traumatic day for me. Today, not so bad - but mostly because that damn JoAnn had me rolling on the floor telling me about her appointment yesterday.

Apparently, JoAnn is the only person at the salon that will do Brazillian waxing. And if you don't know what that is, it means you're waxing the whole enchilada, from the rooter to the tooter. I personally would rather wax my entire head than have hot wax that close to the tooter, but hey - whatever floats your boat.

So her last appointment of the day yesterday was a new client who wanted a Brazillian. JoAnn kept waiting and waiting for the client to show up, and finally she went up to the reception area to see if the woman had called in and she saw this, um, rather large woman coming into the salon. It was her client, who probably tipped the scales at a very conservative 350 pounds.

So JoAnn took her on back to the waxing room and got down to business. Keep in mind that in order to give someone a Brazillian (and this is all according to JoAnn, so if this is wrong set me straight) the subject must get on their hands and knees in order to apply the wax to the nether regions. Oh my God. The wierd part was that the woman's husband kept calling her cell phone through the entire thing and the woman was cooing into her cell phone, "Oooh bay-bee, I'm-a doin' this jist fer yew....."

"My God," signed JoAnn, "Thank goodness she was my last appointment of the day. Because that was a lot of ass to wax."

Um, ewwww.

*****

Shout out to the big pimp daddy

I just have to say congratulations to Joey today. He booked a $2 million contract today, giving them the largest backlog (that's upcoming projects logged on the books that haven't started yet) in company history.

He has been on a total roll this year - has booked $8 million in work in the past month. He is on fire.

All I can say is keep it comin', big daddy. Mama needs some more bling and getting our bathroom redone would be great too. And maybe I can let you have more than a quarter a week for your allowance.

*****

Well, that was an interesting post. Sharting and Brazillians. Have a good one, y'all.