This morning, I was walking out of the kitchen when my coworker Jim beckoned to me from his office. Jim is going through a nasty separation which will probably lead to d-i-v-o-r-c-e right now and two of the girls in our office fixed him up with someone they used to work with years ago. She's divorced, not really having any luck in the dating department, and when they showed me her profile on Match I immediately noticed that her screen name pretty much screamed "I am desperate for Hot Monkey Sex ASAP!!!!!" A perfect match for Jim, who probably hasn't gotten laid in about two years.
So they've been out a few times, he's asked me for some basic dating advice in the past and since I dated approximately 992 people in my illustrious dating career, I feel like I have achieved some sort of expert status. But today, I wasn't really prepared for this conversation.
Jim: Hey, so she and I, ya know, kinda hooked up on Monday night!
Me: Oh really? Thank God. So how did it go?
Jim: Well, good and bad.
Me: Uh oh. What happened?
Jim: Well, on the good side, she gave me a blow job.
Me: Ooookay...
Jim: And on the bad side, well, let's just say that I had a hard time rising to the occasion. I think I'm just not that into her.
Me: Oh damn, don't tell me you are one of those "I'm just not that into you" assholes, please?
Jim: But I swear to God, I have never, ever had this problem before. Maybe I should go see a doctor. There might be something wrong with me!
Me: Did you ever stop to think that maybe you aren't ready to move on? Like you haven't really resolved yourself to giving up on your marriage?
Jim: Damn, Liz, it was a blow job. How freaking hard could that be to get it up for that? I mean, actual sex is one thing, but a blow job?
Me: I'm just saying, maybe deep down inside you feel like you're not ready to carry this relationship to the next level.
Jim: I think I probably ought to go to the doctor. Ya know, get it checked out.
Me: I guess it wouldn't hurt...
Jim: Yeah, I just don't get it. I mean, the thing works fine on manual.
File this conversation under "Things I wish I didn't know about my coworkers." Thanks.
8 comments:
And you wonder why I want to visit your office...
OMG! I cannot imagine having that conversation with any coworker - present or past.
I've worked with lots of men and while I've never had THAT conversation...I wouldn't put it past any of them.
Hopefully, all of Jim's parts are just fine.
ROFL
OMG, BM you ARE one of the guys no doubt! I just can't wait to hear what my husband has to say about this post!
Well, a coworker and I looked at the American Idol girl's nekked pics and now he teases me I showed him p-o-r-n at work - does that count? However, if he told me about a BJ, I think I would have to take a shower.
OMG. If I had anything in my mouth right now I would have just spit it out (in laughter). And I can see how the connotation of that sounds after a B J post.
Christina
Liz you should feel privileged to be "that girl". The one that the guys can go to when they cant talk to the other guys. There is NO freekin' way he would have said that to a dude, because 1. non working plumbing is a forever source of ridicule. "Hey Jim How's it goin'? Get your junk fixed yet? Maybe if she had a hairy back you could get it up heh heh." 2. See 1.
Now this should only serve to prove you you women that we guys function differently. Even if we are having issues that we care not to deal with we still can (and will enjoy) a BJ from a woman.
Which then begs the question, if Jim was having troubles performing outside of manual, then maybe she was just bad at it. (tried talking to him between bobs or something?)
As a fella I can tell you that there are not many things that will make a fella turn down a BJ. And there are not many things that a BJ wont fix. "Honey I ran over your golf clubs." ZZzzziiip {muffled} "Mime Morry"
"Aw It's, It's, It'ssssss Ok honey."
Jim should only have his junk poked by a doctor if (she is cute) and it hurts or turns another color.
LMAO but I'm not sure if I'm laughing harder at the post itself or at G-man's reply.
Still I have only worked with very few people I would have felt comfortable having that conversation with.
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