Kicking myself in the ass, join in if you want to!

So it's all come down to this:

I have gained back six pounds. All those fancy-schmancy dinners, desserts, and living the high life over the past few months have paid in dividends. Dividends located on my big fat butt.

Ever since I lost all the weight, I've been fanatical about weighing every single day. I guess I fell off the weigh-in wagon back in late January when all this traveling around got started. You miss one day...eh, it will be fine...then a week goes by...and the next thing you know, your fat pants are starting to feel a little tighter.

Then there's the exercise issue. I haven't run or done anything in almost two months. Well, really a month-and-a-half but I'm being mean to myself here. I had gotten into a routine of treadmill and weights and abs at least three days a week, usually four. I was looking pretty good.

Complacency has always been my biggest enemy. I have struggled with my weight for my entire life. It sucks, but both sides of my family have members with pretty serious weight issues and I don't want to end up diabetic or with heart problems. But I tend to let myself slide when I feel good about things. Oh hell, even when I feel bad about things. This winter has been particularly challenging - for some reason, I've really struggled with my mood and trying to stay upbeat. Funny how my mind never pictured the endorphins from exercise keeping me from going postal on someone, but that's just the way I roll.

I'm one of those people who has to mentally prepare for a while before dieting or making any kind of life changes. So I've been kind of ramping myself up for a few days, thinking about things that I can do to make myself feel better about who I am, not to mention that warm weather is coming and the thought of myself in a bathing suit is almost more than I can stand.

So it all starts again. I got on ifit.com and found a page of workout routines and decided to go with the eight-week program designed for busy moms. I went to the store and stocked up on Kashi and fruit and all kinds of stuff. I have that 10K on the 31st and I am excited about that for the first time since I signed up.

I've got to get past the "diet" mentality and start living it like my lifestyle. I will never look like a supermodel. I will never be super skinny. All I want is to be healthy and toned. I want to take care of myself. I want to be able to run up a flight of stairs without feeling like I'm going to die. I want to be around a long time to see Monkey Man grow up, to go on vacations, to continue my never-ending search for the perfect eye cream, and to get lots of bling. I want it all! And I worked way too hard to lose all the weight to allow myself to backslide. I am declaring war on my big fat ass.

But to do this, some stuff is going to have to give. Like blogging - it's not that I'm going anywhere, but I might not post every day for a while and I will probably bore y'all to tears about fiber grams and workout routines and bitching about how I hate to drink water. I'd really like to give up doing laundry, but that ain't happening. If my camera battery wasn't dead, I'd take a picture of the mountain of laundry that is currently occupying our bedroom floor and you'd realize that quitting laundry would mean imminent death by being smothered with dirty socks. Not a good thing.

So that's it in a nutshell. To summarize: my ass is huge, I hate drinking water, and our laundry is suffocating us. Test tomorrow at 10 AM.