I have a lot to say, however nothing of any significance

I was all set to blog last night about a few news stories, decided to lie down on the couch "for just a minute," and the next thing I knew Joey was coming in from his board meeting and it was 11:30. Oops.

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She's here!

SG and Mrs. SG finally had their baby yesterday - a baby girl, 10 pounds, 8 ounces. Poor Mrs. SG was 40 weeks pregnant on Tuesday and found out that she'd have to have a c-section because of the size of the baby. Everyone is doing great, and I'm itching to get over to the hospital so I can pinch that baby.

What? Don't pinch the baby? I thought everyone did that. Oh.

The name? Peyton Olivia. Not sure that I like the name Peyton for a girl, but hey - her initials will be POG. That in itself is pretty noteworthy.

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Women aren't just bitches, they're crazy bitches

Two recent news stories that I've run across have just confirmed to me that men everywhere better watch themselves. Women are nuts.

Of course, everyone has read the story about Lisa Nowak, the nutty astronaut who decided to try and do away with her romantic rival by driving 900 miles wearing adult diapers so Lisa could attack her at the airport. Of course, the whole diaper thing is a bit freaky but I guess it allowed her to keep on driving with her eye on the prize versus having to stop for those pesky rest stops.

Then there comes the list of stuff they found in her posession. She apparently sprayed the other woman with pepper spray before the woman was able to get away. Then they found a wig, a BB pistol, some rubber tubing, a new steel mallet, a trenchcoat, a folding knife, some large trash bags, and cash.

Methinks she wasn't going to take this poor woman to Starbucks to sit and cry over a chai latte while they talked about the object of their affection.

Seriously, though, with a list of crap like that it makes you wonder what exactly she was going to do once she got a hold of her rival. Egads.

So the other story I was reading about was in this week's People Magazine. I tried to find a decent link to the story but you'll just have to trot on over to the 7-Eleven and pick one up for yourself and read it.

For the sake of ease, I'm going to give these people Americanized names. There was this skydiving club over in Belgium. John, a member of the club, was having an affair with a married woman named Jane. John and Jane had apparently been playing hide the hot dog for about two years.

Meanwhile, a few months ago John started having an affair with Mary, another member of the skydiving club. And, as Jerry Springer would have it, she was very good friends with Jane.

Apparently, Mary got a little pissed at the attention that John was giving Mary. He would spend Fridays with Mary, and Saturdays with Jane. That John, he was a slick talker! So Mary decided that this was going to end. According to reports, the club went on a "group skydive" and when poor Jane went to pull the ripcord on her parachute, it didn't work and she plunged to her death. The investigation revealed that someone had cut the cords in her parachute before it was packed, obviously with the intent to kill Jane. You know, because that's what happens when you go skydiving and your parachute doesn't work.

And, I'm ashamed to admit, there were two things about this story that made me laugh out loud. First, in an interview with one of John's friends, said friend said, "John is not a cheater. He is absolutely devastated that this could happen." Um, okay, so he's having an affair with a married woman AND one of her friends, and he's not a cheater? Maybe in Belgium that doesn't count as being a cheater. Here, he would be the headliner on either Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer.

The other thing was that Mary was free of suspicion until the police discovered that she had been arrested several years earlier with charges of attempting to run over an ex-boyfriend with her car.

So guys, keep your schlong in the holster. 'Cuz ya never know when one of us crazy bitches are going to snap.

This has been a public service announcement. Thank you.

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Not quite what they expected

My parents, who are always running up and down the roads, are always searching for interesting things to do around town. A week ago, my mom saw this small blurb in the local paper about a seminar they were holding at her alma mater about "Self Presentation" and how it was all about presenting yourself well in public. And it was free.

So today, Mom and Dad took off over to the college to sit in the seminar. Now, you have to get this mental picture in your mind of two old people - well-educated, well-groomed and dressed, generally put-together folks.

According to my dad, they found some seats in the classroom and this very nice-looking woman went up to the podium and started discussing ways to make yourself more presentable. Including cutting off your dreadlocks and not wearing bedroom slippers to work.

So my dad starts checking out the classroom and discovers that they are the only honkies in there. Come to find out that it was a class sponsored by the local chapter of a minority group. The area is pretty economically depressed after losing their largest employer recently due to the manufacturing moving overseas, so they have been sponsoring classes to help people find jobs. And of course my parents were already there, so they sat through the entire three-hour seminar. My mother took notes. Of what, I don't know.

So apparently, once my dad gets rid of his dreadlocks, he can get a job at Wal Mart as a greeter. It's gonna be hard, but I think he can do it.

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It's over

Registration for before- and after-school care at The World's Most Expensive Preschool started at 7 AM today. People were camped out in front of the building at 5:30 AM.

All I'm going to say is that we did a little - ahem - negotiating - so I feel pretty sure that we made it in. Without being in line at 5:30.

Now, if you notice the owners driving a brand new car next week, don't look at us. We take registration time very seriously. Because that's how we roll.