Saturday smackdown

Allegedly, Monkey Man is upstairs "napping" in preparation for his yellow belt test this afternoon at the tae kwon do center. In reality, all he is probably doing is lying in his bed calculating how many exact minutes he's being imprisoned in his room. The nap is a good theory, but I fear we're probably wasting our time. Although I'm enjoying not being bugged every 20 seconds to change whatever he's watching on In Demand. He's like his dad - a channel surfer, however we refuse to give him remote privileges so that comes with a hefty price.

Joey is out in the garage making room for The Behemoth. One of the guys that he works with tinkers with all kinds of stuff like repairing watches, making furniture, and salvaging old cabinets and such. He created this workbench thing for Joey that I haven't actually laid eyes on yet but apparently it's going in the garage for all kinds of storage and stuff. Hey, whatever it takes to get all the shit out of the floor and put somewhere, I'm all for it.

Me, well, I'm feeling a little sluggish after last night's extravaganza and managed to nurse a little breakfast and now I'm covering crackers in pimento cheese and eating that for lunch. Pimento cheese is one of the best hangover cures out there, I swear. Not as good as Waffle House, but I really didn't feel like going out in the cold this morning to get a waffle.

Last night, Joey's Rotary club hosted a charity auction for the burn unit at the big hospital downtown. Now, I need to preface this by saying that we met David and Yvonne downtown at this really funky restaurant that I've been dying to go to for years but Joey has resisted. The place is one of two restaurants owned by the same guy - the original restaurant is well-known for fabulous Italian food, but the place is this total hole in the wall and it totally lives up to its reputation - the food is expensive, the waitstaff is unconsciably rude, the dishes are chipped/broken/don't match, and they don't take reservations. Needless to say, it's been one of the places to eat for years.

So we went to the other restaurant that the guy owns - at least we had a pleasant waiter, the dishes did match (albeit the wine was served in juice glasses) and the food was fab. And of course, when your wine is served in juice glasses it's somewhat hard to judge exactly how much you're drinking. Right? Right?

We met up with Harper and Debbie and Debbie's brother and sister-in-law at the country club that was hosting the auction. The silent auction started at 7:30 and the regular auction started at 8:30. This is where things get a little fuzzy. Like, they had open bar and chocolate-dipped strawberries and all kinds of things to bid on. I had one thing in mind to bid on - one of the members is a dentist who was offering in-office teeth whitening, which is something I've been wanting for a long time. And then there was this watercolor that we both kind of fell in love with and decided to bid on.

If there's one thing you can say about me, I have a teensy bit of a competitive streak. I was hell-bound and determined to get that picture. And apparently, one of the old rich biddies had decided that she wanted it too, so we got into a bidding war over the picture. To the point where she was stalking out the table and then running right behind me to write her bid down. To the point where I was ready to stab the bitch with the pen I was carrying around with me. And you know how this is going to end already...she ended up getting MY picture. I was not a happy camper, until the artist came up to me and offered me the opportunity to purchase another one of his paintings - and he will donate the money to the burn unit - and then his wife offered to frame it for free. So in reality, this is a win-win. I will get a picture at probably half the price of the picture at the auction, I will get a free framing job, AND that old bitch majorly got bent over. But hey, it's for charity, so I guess there's that.

Well, the silent auction ended and as it turns out, Joey had been bidding on an at-home teeth whitening kit on the other side of the ballroom so we ended up winning both of them. I will blind you all with the brillance with my teeth. And this will be right before they fall out. The other couples, between all of us, got an airplane trip to an island off the coast, a golf outing with lunch at an exclusive golf course, scuba diving lessons, and some other stuff. We were racking up.

Then, the real auction started. They had some really cool prizes, including a trip to Cabo for a week, a week's vacation at a huge mansion down on the coast, and the big item was 200,000 Delta SkyMiles. Things were going fast and furious, and before I knew it apparently Joey had bid on a trip and ended up winning. And guess where it's to? That luxury resort that I have been dying to go to and ended up getting screwed out of last month. We got a trip for four people and I am totally stoked about going.

Each one of our friends ended up getting something in the main auction, and Debbie's brother-in-law (who is filthy stinking rich) ended up being the top bidder of the night, winning the SkyMiles. David and Yvonne won the best door prize, a 32" HDTV. We got a chocolate fondue fountain. And can you believe that those bastards didn't want to trade? Hurumph. Freaking David was jumping up and down like a little kid he was so excited.

So it was a pretty awesome night. The Posse was in full force and we all had fun, got some really nice stuff, and all the money is going to a really good cause. The burn center is trying to buy two dressing machines (which basically frees up the nurses to do other things for the burn patients - did you know that each burn patient requires like three full-time nurses to do nothing but change dressings?) and I feel pretty safe in saying that we not only raised enough for the two machines, but to give them a little extra too.

I really need to hop into the shower and get ready to head out to the yellow belt test. I've been so busy downloading stuff on iTunes (translation - hunting down songs that I've scribbled on scraps of paper in my car while driving down the road at 80 mph, only to find that the title I've written down doesn't exist so it's either my stupidity or iTunes conspiring to make me crazy) that I haven't done much else. And after Yellow Belt Hell, we'll be going to my sister's to meet them to head out for dinner and to catch up.

No wine for me, though. Thanks. Maybe check back with me in a few hours, though, okay?