So much for that idea

Remember yesterday's post?

Take one 5-year-old who is for some odd reason jacked up beyond all belief and literally bouncing off the walls from the moment he wakes up. Then add a second 5-year-old whose parents are dancing for joy in the driveway as you load him up and drive away. Throw in a basketball game, some chicken nuggets, and a bunch of toys and you have a woman who is getting her tubes tied first thing in the morning if at all possible.

It has been a hell of a weekend. Not necessarily in a bad way, but in a "I need to go back to work so I can get some rest" way. Monkey Man had tae kwon do yesterday morning, we came home and I got in a two-hour workout and caught up on a little DVR action, and then we had plans to run to a couples baby shower and by SG and Mrs. SG's house to see the new baby.

Well, the shower plans were all screwed up. See, Monkey Man wasn't invited. By Thursday night, our normally Most Reliable Babysitter Ever had bailed out on us and our three backups were already busy. I guess I could've asked one of the Neighborhood Badasses if they minded watching him for a few hours, but I figured that Joey was totally not into going to this shower anyway (even though the dad-to-be is HIS friend) so it would be a good excuse to drop the gift off and run.

So we went to see the baby (who was totally the cutest thing ever) and then we got lost on the way to the shower. We finally came rolling in the door half an hour late only to discover that the honorees weren't even there yet. And we knew no one at the party. In our marriage, I'm the social one while Joey tends to be far more reclusive...well, he was like a turtle hiding in his shell, and when I discovered exactly who was at the shower I felt like an awkward preteen all over again. See, I put two and two together when I was looking at the shower invitation and figured out that the friends of Mom-to-be were from my hometown (just like Mom-to-be is).

You see, I only lived there for about two years - my senior year of high school, and then for slightly over a year when I dropped out of college during a temporary moment of insanity. And I went to the county high school - not the city high school - and there was a certain degree of "us" versus "them" when I was there. Well, this crowd went to the city high school and they were the golden kids - you know the ones that live in the big fancy neighborhood and daddy buys them cars and they have a live-in maid, etc. Well, I might be almost 20 years removed from it, but the social stigma of being a "county girl" still sticks. For example, the conversation last night...

Me: So Martha, are you from Hometown?

Martha: Yes, yes I am! Did you go to City High School?

Me: No, I went to County School. I only went there my senior year of high school and then I went off to Huge University....

Martha: Oh...that must have been a long year...

And suddenly, everyone who had turned their ears to our conversation suddenly dropped me like a hot potato. And I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there, because it was made painfully apparent that I Am Not Nor Will I Ever Be One of The Privileged Ones. Ouch.

So there's that. And you know, there are so many people I've met over the years that went to the same school - like my college roommate Kim and all of her friends - that never made me feel like I wasn't on equal par with them because I went to the less prestigious school. They always made me feel like I belonged. It just goes to show you that some people grow up and move on, and some remain shallow little bitches where it really matters when you're 30-something that someone didn't go to the "right" high school. Whatthefuckever.

On to Outback for dinner, where we ran into SG and the family. Small world! He was standing outside chugging a gin and tonic and shaking like a leaf. When they arrived at the restaurant, they got on the waiting list and when it was time for them to be seated, a patron of the restaurant started choking and the restaurant staff was unable to do the Heimlich and get the object out of the guy. He ended up passing out. So Mrs. SG, who is a trained professional in the medical field, got the guy on the floor and did the Advanced Heimlich and finally got the crap out of the guy's throat. Apparently, he had half of a steak lodged in the back of his throat. He might want to reconsider doing a better job cutting his meat. So anyhow, the manager treated SG's entire table of 8 to dinner and booze so he made sure to send us a round of drinks. That's my boy!

Today, we took Monkey Man and his buddy Q to see the Harlem Globetrotters. Monkey Man was wild from the moment he got up this morning - my normally well-behaved child was ricocheting off the walls and by 10 AM I told Joey that if he didn't remove said child from my presence that one of us wasn't going to be alive long enough to see the show. And since I'm bigger, I think we know how this equation was going to work out.

The show was really fun, the kids had a great time, and I literally ran smack into the Governor. I was going into the lobby looking for popcorn and drinks and was looking in the wrong direction, he was hauling ass (with his two security goons panting trying to keep up with him) and I ran right into him. Nice. I met the guy about four years ago when he was the city mayor and I had to take him to the restroom at one of our company functions, not like he recognized me but I'm sure he picked up my "I didn't vote for you" vibes.

We picked up McDonald's, brought the little angels home and ate on the deck. They played basketball and proceeded to fight over the little souvenier basketballs even though they were exactly the same. (All the parents reading this nod in unison....) And then it was time for Q to go home.

This is where things go horribly wrong yet again. His dad came to pick him up and he had a complete and total meltdown. Then Monkey Man had a meltdown. Then I had a meltdown - no, wait, I think I'm the ONLY person in this scenario that didn't have a meltdown. I was ecstatic to send him home - not like he's a bad kid, but today he was very demanding and high maintenance which we are totally not used to and it made the game kind of a challenge. Not to mention he almost tipped our couch over, but that's a whole story in and of itself.

So now it's 7:53. I am going to give Monkey Man his shower and send him to bed early. Oh, wait, Joey just came in and volunteered to give him a bath so that I can get started on my workout. Goody, goody. Tomorrow is the beginning of the second week of this debacle, and I think I am seeing some results. However, I am dog ass tired, so I'm not sure if it's worth looking hot when you spend all your spare time unconscious and drooling on the couch.

Tomorrow is another day. I just need to remember to pack my flask, I mean lunch. Just kidding. I really did mean to say flask.