Pass the Kool Aid

Today I had the pleasure of sitting through a CQM class all freaking day. All Freaking Day.

CQM stands for Construction Quality Management and it's some fancy-schmancy thing that you have to do to get government contracts for construction. They sent seven of us to the class, and I'm not exactly sure why since our chances of actually getting any government work is pretty much slim to none.

What I did find is that not only was it one step from making me want to drink the Magic Kool Aid and go to sleep forever, but the freaking government has acronyms for everything. By the end of the class, my cohorts and I were scribbling notes to each other making up acronyms like FUCKU and really mature stuff like that. It was seriously the most boring class I have ever attended, to the point that when I was taking notes I actually found myself drifting off to sleep as I was writing. This was after I skipped my workout last night so I could get a good night's sleep and not be tired. Obviously that wasn't working for me. I kept drinking water and juice and sodas so that my bladder would be so uncomfortable that I wouldn't drift off to sleep.

The instructor had been a QC guy for the Navy for years and years, and was really into the topic. I would probably be safe in saying that the class was totally not into the class. And as the class went on and on and we all got more and more overloaded with information, the snappier the instructor got and by the end he was almost indignant that we didn't find the QCM process the most fascinating topic in the entire universe and beyond.

And then there was a test. Oops. All of us passed except one of the girls, who at that point was so agitated and over everything that she walked out before she even found out what her score was. I think she was secretly afraid that if she found out (and then the rest of us found out) that there would a company-wide e-mail tomorrow:

"Congratulations to all who passed the exam yesterday, except Christine - who was probably outside smoking during most of the class instead of actually being inside paying attention to the class that The Company paid big bucks for her to take, not to mention that she complained bitterly about having deli trays for lunch."

So between now being CQM certified and a LEED Accredited Professional, it means that I am qualified to do absofuckinglutely nothing. Although I am adept at sitting through long, painfully boring seminars and have eaten a lot of deli meat. I guess that will look good on my resume.