Since we've been on water restrictions due to lack of rain, I guess Mother Nature thought it would be a great idea to catch us up all at once. I had to drive my ark to work this morning.

For people like me with naturally curly hair, rain and humidity are my enemies. No amount of product can stop my hair from gaining a life of its own, creating crazy lumps, bumps, curls and frizz. For everyone that wishes they had curly hair, I will give you mine for a week and then make it rain every other day and be hot and humid as well. You'll be begging for your hair back.

Last week we were lucky enough to go back to Cabo for a few days. Joey and his partner won a trip through one of their manufacturers where the guys sportfish for two days and have a pseudo-tournament, while the wives sit around and get drunk and lay in the sun. I didn't really do the drunk or sun thing, I slept a lot and went to a fantastic spa one day where they piped in Affirmitive Thoughts through earphones while she exfoliated my face. So not only did I get my pores cleaned, I can now do ANYTHING. It was like seeing a shrink and getting a facial and massage.

On Saturday, we rented a car and drove up the coast to Todos Santos and La Paz. Todos Santos is a little town where the Hotel California is located - you know, THE Hotel California of Eagles' fame. Or, as my husband's partner put it, "where they dropped a lot of acid and wrote some great songs." The town is full of little galleries with local crafts and some really fantastic deals. I bought myself a beautiful glazed pot, and for one of my friends I bought a shotglass with two people humping behind a cactus. Quite a diverse selection, I might say.

La Paz was...well, kind of a bust. Malcolm (the partner) was determined that there was an old historical section of the city we could walk around in. However, the fact that there are few street signs and the map didn't show all the streets - and he refused to ask for directions - left us driving in circles all over. I was a hot mess by the time we got out of the city.

One strange thing about our trip is that we saw a dead guy. A lot of the major roads are under construction right now while they expand to 4-lane highways, so the place is either a disaster or the roads are great. Between Todos Santos and La Paz had the best road, but as we pulled into the good part of the highway we saw an accident with a stakebody truck with riders in the back had overturned and one poor guy had basically imploded on the pavement. Everyone was just standing around looking at him from about 20 feet away with looks on their faces like, "well damn, that sucks!" No emergency vehicles, nothing. It was bizarre. By the time we came back two hours later, all traces of the accident were gone.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Monkey Man broke his right ring finger right at the joint the day before we left for Cabo. That night, the x-rays didn't show much but the sitter took him back Thursday and damn if it wasn't broken. My Monday was spent at the orthopaedic surgeon having an evaluation to see if the growth plate was involved and then getting a cast that goes almost all the way to his elbow. I guess the good thing is that there's no surgery. The bad thing is that he can't really write so I have turned into his scribe and the amount of homework is enough to make a saint cry. Nice return from a restful vacation, huh?

So that's about all. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to make sure my ark is still tethered to the tree outside.

Cabo Redux

We're back, by hook and by crook....

Overall, Cabo was really awesome. Things at home, though, weren't so great.

Wednesday morning, Heather the Babysitter came to our house at 4 AM so we could leave for the airport. Her task for the day was to take Monkey Man to before-school care and then her sister Valerie was going to pick him up after school and bring him home until Heather finished her school. She's in dental hygienist school, you know.

By the time we got to Chicago, we were sitting at breakfast at Macaroni Grill (more on that later) and got a voice mail that she had locked herself out of the house. Luckily she had everything that she needed for the day and didn't need it unlocked right away, but someone had to get over there before Monkey Man got out of school. Immediately, I called Cat Door who is the only friend we have with a key to our house and he agreed to go over there as soon as he got a chance to unlock the door. He texted me later, "Don't worry, I'm here and will take care of everything. HAVE FUN DAMMIT."

If only it had been that easy.

By the time we got to Cabo and did the grind through customs and immigration and did the ride to the hotel (which, by the way, was vastly improved from the last visit where the road was still under construction and we had to go on goat paths half the way), I was so ready for a drink. We went immediately to the pool bar, met Malcolm and Paula and this cool British guy named Duncan who was on our flight from Chicago, and bellied up for some drinks and something to eat.

Then, I checked my voice mail. Heather had called, and she had gotten a call from The World's Most Expensive Preschool. Monkey Man was sick. Of course.

Long story short - he ended up with almost a croupy cough, runny/stuffy nose, and a fever. So my sister, God love her, went and swooped him up and kept him until we picked him up at 1 AM this morning. She has been saying for a while that she wanted to keep him for a weekend, but I don't think that this is necessarily what she had in mind. Honestly, I was probably more worried about her and my brother-in-law because they are totally not used to have a six-year-old around, let alone one swimming in green goo and demanding Spongebob. I think I'm going to have to do something nice for them, like an all-expenses paid trip to Europe or something. Or maybe just a gift card for dinner out somewhere nice.

Monkey Man, however, had the time of his life. With my sister's two gargantuan greyhounds at his beck and call, he was the king of the roost. My sister spoiled him absofreakinglutely to death. He told her yesterday that he really, really, really liked staying at her house. I can only imagine what thoughts were running through her head since she probably got NO sleep the entire time thanks to Sir Coughsalot.

So it definitely put a damper on the trip. It made it really hard to relax at all because I was worried about Monkey Man plus my sister and brother-in-law (who at least could escape to work every day, but when you're a pediatrician...well, that wouldn't be much of a break at all, would it?). I called twice a day to check on things and tried to keep my spirits up, when in reality all I wanted to do was jump on a plane and get home.

Oh, and the Macaroni Grill breakfast? Was just what my stomach needed to start me off with the shits before we even got to Mexico. I think it was worse than Montezuma's Revenge could ever be. All I can say is hey, people in first class on our flight down? Yeah, I'm sorry. Seriously, I tried to wait for the line in coach to go down and use the john with the rest of us peasants, but it didn't happen. And when that "vacant" light was on...well, yeah. I violated your potty. I'm sorry.

And both of us ended up with some form of intestinal distress throughout the entire trip. And it wasn't the tequila, dammit.

Anyhow, Cabo...we did a spa day. We spent one day just hanging at the pool. We went into town and did some shopping. We went out and drank. A lot. Did I mention drinking a lot?

But yesterday was time to come home, so we got to the airport early and once we got to the ticket counter, the lady told us our flight was delayed at least an hour. Um, not good, considering we only had 2 hours in Chicago anyway to get our luggage through Customs and make our next flight - and you know it never goes smoothly, right? Anyhow, everyone's flights were delayed so we ended up sitting around the airport - along with Duncan, whose flight got moved too and he ended up being rerouted to Chicago on our flight - and eating Burger King. For some odd reason, I walked by one of the flight status boards at one point and noticed...hey, the flight was leaving earlier than they thought! So we got on the plane and crossed our fingers that we might make our connection in Chicago.

Once we got to Chicago, we literally RAN to Customs...got our luggage (which for some reason ours was within the first 10 suitcases that came out) - rechecked baggage after going through immigration and customs - and then hoofed it over to the other terminal.

YES! We made the flight. By like 10 minutes. And cocky little bastards that we are, we were high-fiving each other in the plane.

Oops. Our luggage didn't make it. It's still in Chicago. I just got off the phone with the airlines and hopefully we'll have it back today. Which would be a good thing considering my hairdryer and makeup bag is in there.

Anyhow, we finally got home around 1 AM with Monkey Man in tow. Got jack for sleep. And I called in sick today, so I'll have to face the wrath of EPOD tomorrow which makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it.

Or is that the tequila? I'll never tell.

Random musings from a crazy woman

This made my day

My dad is coming home from the rehab place tomorrow.

Life is good.

*****

Sounds like my type of restaurant

Seen on a sign in Cabo San Lucas:

"Steak and Lobster Trailer Park and Restaurant"

I am so not kidding about this. If we hadn't been at the taxi driver's mercy, I would've made him turn around so I could take a picture of it.

*****

Ding dong, the witch is gone

Our most hated receptionist Broomhilda was given her walking papers last Friday. Apparently they're restructuring the position to an hourly position with no benefits, but I seriously doubt that will work because who on this earth would work for no benefits? Anyhow, we had a temp-to-hire person start today and she was so pleasant on the phones and to work with that it was a serious breath of fresh air.

Of course, Broomhilda showed up at the office today to pick up the stuff she'd left behind, and I distinctly caught a whiff of sulphur when she walked by. So glad she's history.

*****

The best gift ever

Cat Door M is taking off on his 5-day trip to the Mojave Desert to ride dirt bikes on Thursday...this trip has been two years in the planning and he has been trying to talk every guy we know into going on the trip. Apparently, the whole thing is a "guys only" trip so I have been giving him a hard time about it being a Brokeback Mountain motorcycle trip. And of course, being your typical former-Marine tough guy he is more than insulted that I would even imply that.

This weekend, I put together a little care package for him that he will either roll in the floor laughing over or be so pissed at me that he will be mad for weeks:

One DVD of Brokeback Mountain
One small bottle of Cabo Wabo tequila
A pack of condoms
A huge bottle of Astroglide
Five pairs of leopard-print thong bikini underwear (male, of course)

I'm not sure how his wife will take it, but I have been snickering all day with the anticipation of giving it to him...is that bad?

*****

'Night, y'all. I can't decide if I'm going to work out tonight or just collapse. Considering I haven't had a decent night's sleep since Thursday, I'm seriously eyeing the couch and my beloved memory foam pillow with love I haven't had for an inanimate object since...well, it's been a while.

Cabo Wabo

I've finally recovered enough to string a coherent sentence together. I think.

Let me start off by saying that we had a fabulous time. Cabo San Lucas is absolutely beautiful, the people were friendly, the hotel was very nice, the people we traveled with were more fun than I ever imagined.

Now for my observations of the trip:

What the hell do you have to do to get a decent meal on a flight? We were trapped on planes for two days and the best we got was faux cheese spread with crackers. Airlines, you are soooo missing out on something - you should offer travelers an option to purchase a boxed lunch or something, because we had zero time between connections to do anything other than find a restroom and haul across hell's half acre to another terminal for our flight. And the movies - lame, lame, lame.

This would be our first vacation together where we haven't either missed a flight or lost a piece of luggage. This would be the first time in over 10 years, people. Miraculous.

Word to the wise - if you are fair-skinned, do not go close to the equator with any sunscreen less than 50 SPF. Seriously. I have the worst sunburn I've had in years and really stayed out of the sun most of the time. Thank God the hotel next door had a spa with some kind of sunburn treatment, which involved me lying on a space blanket and being rubbed with pure aloe vera for an hour. At least now I don't feel like my thighs are on fire, although my shoulders are killing me.

Oh, and another thing. If you don't drink enough water, you will get dehydrated. And almost pass out at the big awards dinner where your husband is winning an award for the deep sea fishing tournament. It was not a good scene. See, we had a great day on Thursday which continued until the early hours of Friday...I woke up Friday feeling great. BIG MISTAKE. Never think you're bulletproof. I had breakfast, drank two Cokes, and then nothing else until Happy Hour when I had two very small (and very weak) margaritas. Keep in mind also that this was my day at the pool and I was getting a sunburn at the same time. So they had this lovely banquet set up for us in a beachfront building that was very nicely decorated - but had very poor ventilation and they wouldn't leave the doors open to get any air in there. I got one margarita at the bar, drank about two sips, and then almost passed out. Luckily, one of our friends recently enjoyed a trip to the hospital for dehydration so she immediately knew what to do to get me right again. Four bottles of water, a bottle of Gatorade, and a small piece of bread later (and an ice-cold napkin on my neck) and I finally felt human again. We were able to go back to the dinner and make it until around 10:30 and enjoy the show and awards ceremony. I was embarrassed as hell, though...but a good lesson learned for me since I normally don't keep myself hydrated enough at all.

So the sunburn and the dehydration incident were the only bad parts (and really not even that bad considering)...the fun parts:

Spa day on Thursday with three of the other girls - we all got massages and facials and were able to hang out and use the seawater pool which was one of those infinity pool that overlooked the harbor and was spectacular. We had the best time.

Thursday night - we took the mahi mahi that the guys caught, took it to a local restaurant, and they cooked it for us in three different styles. The Mango/Coconut one was my favorite. With lots of cold beer. Yum.

Then on to Cabo Wabo, Sammy Hagar's bar that is located in the town. Y'all know that I'm the queen of cheesy 80's rock so this was right up my alley, and the music was rocking. We danced and sang and had the best time. And I did the first tequila shot I've done since The Ugly Tequila Incident of November 12, 1988, if that's telling you anything. And woke up feeling fabulous on Friday.

Spent a lot of time with the other girls - some of us have been friends for years, some are just getting to know each other, and everyone in the entire group just clicked including the husbands (who all do business together except for one). Everyone was so relaxed and easy going that it made the whole weekend go smoothly and so much fun.

I did get Joey his first massage yesterday (while I was getting wrapped in an aloe burrito)...probably felt pretty good considering Friday night he partook of a little too much tequila and ended up sick. And he had a male masseuse, which totally cracked me up. Although our friend Martha's female masseuse probably got a little too friendly with her on Thursday, but that's how they roll down in Cabo.

The guys won the fishing tournament - I think they each got like $50 plus this trip was paid for too. They had a great time despite how rough the seas were. Did you know that in a lot of Cabo you're not allowed to swim in the ocean because the undertow is so bad? But damn, it is gorgeous.

And the butterflies - all day long - millions of little orange and yellow butterflies everywhere.

Amazing. We'll definitely be back. And with lots of SPF 50 and Gatorade.

Calgon, take me away

We're off to Cabo in the morning.

I have had the week from hell and it's only Tuesday.

Off to sit on a beach with lots of liquor and a good book. Aaaah.

A root canal or perhaps surgery without anesthesia would be highly preferable

I have two missions within the next week:

1. Get a new driver’s license
2. Get a passport

Can you think of anything more fun except for maybe disemboweling yourself with a plastic knife?

My driver’s license still has the address on it from our last house. That we moved from almost 1.5 years ago. Apparently, by state law I only had 30 days to update my address, but I’m choosing to ignore it. And I have to admit, if they slap the cuffs on me tomorrow it will give me a welcome rest in jail - 3 squares, bed to sleep in, and my very own bitch. After this week, it's sounding pretty good to me.

I hate the DMV. How in the hell they manage to take the ugliest pictures ever for your driver’s license, even when you think you’re looking pretty darn good, is beyond me. Must be the lens on the camera. Not to mention that I found out tonight that I have to bring like 16 forms of identification, a pint of blood, and my firstborn child to get a new license. I guess I better start digging through our files downstairs and see what I can scrape together. My plan is to go tomorrow morning and be there when they open at 8 AM, and hope for a good hair day.

The last time I got a passport was when I was living in New Jersey and I was wearing a Camp Beverly Hills t-shirt. Yeah, a long freaking time ago. At least that picture made me look pretty good, even if I had the big Jersey hair thing going on. The advantage there was that at the time you could get your passport the same day that you applied for it. Or at least it seemed that way, since I had been dragged in there by my parents I really didn’t pay that much attention. Now we’ll have to pay out the ying-yang for expediting the processing in the hopes we’ll get it in a few weeks.

The reason we’re doing all this is that Joey and his partners won a free trip to Cabo San Lucas from one of their major product manufacturers. One of the partners refuses to fly in an airplane, so we are taking another guy from the office and each of the wives are coming along. Add to that two other couples that we know very well from the business and there will be 10 of us on this trip. The guys are going to be deep sea fishing and the girls will be soaking up the sun, shopping, and just relaxing. (Hey, if anyone has been to Cabo or knows anything about it, please e-mail me at buildermama@gmail.com? Muchas gracias. And that is the extent of my knowledge of Spanish for the most part.)

Apparently we don’t need a passport for Mexico until the end of 2006, but Joey thought it would be a good idea for us to go ahead and get one (especially considering recent events). And with the driver’s license, I really think it’s time to admit we moved and make sure the address is correct.

Not to mention that I have one of the worst driver’s license pictures ever. About 50 pounds ago and my hair is just so not flattering it’s not even funny. It's so bad that most people that ID me look at the picture, look at me, and get this look on their face like, "Oh my damn." Yes, it’s vain, but I refuse to admit that the real reason I’ve been avoiding the DMV is just because I’m scared of yet another bad picture.

Cross your fingers for me. Send good picture-taking vibes. Good hair, no boogers, you know – that kind of stuff. Thanks.