New year, new crap

Hopefully everyone had a great (and safe) New Year's Eve and Day!

WARNING: Panic attack to follow.

Ours was quiet. Just the three of us, having a picnic on the floor in the Man Cave while we watched the bowl games. Quite a contrast from 2007 when we had a houseful of Badasses and various friends. Yeah, I wasn't doing that again this year...and in typical Badass fashion, no one else stepped up to the plate to do anything so there you go.

On New Year's Eve, I had the misfortune of being at the office for almost the entire day. It was deathly quiet and there were only a handful of us working - EPOD and myself being two of the people. As I walked by his office, he beckoned to me and said he wanted to talk to me.

What commenced was an hour-long diatribe about how I need to prepare myself for the possibility of layoffs. I had asked for two days off in mid-January to accompany Joey on a business trip (going to our state general contractors' association convention, which is a prime networking opportunity and Malcolm deemed necessary for us go so we can hopefully drum up some business), and EPOD basically said "Well, I'm not saying not to go, I just wanted to give you a heads-up in case you get any phone calls while you're on your trip that they've laid people off. Or that you're done here." I asked him if he was worried about our team being laid off, and he shrugged and said that yes, he is worried - they have guys younger than him with smaller paychecks that could probably replace him. And of course, I am one of the highest-paid PA's at the company and have seniority, but that doesn't mean I'm irreplacable. No one is irreplacable.

If I hadn't gotten the shaft at review time and been denied a raise, I probably wouldn't give all of this a second thought. He is, you know, Eeyore Prince of Darkness and can find the worst in any situation. Then there's the whole fact that I have heard rumblings that there is a "list" of people that are going to get the ax in January. These rumblings come from pretty reliable sources. EPOD and I will be out of work come May unless we pick up some new projects (which with the market the way it is probably isn't going to happen). The projects are far enough along at this point that someone else could come in and pick up the pieces with little or no problems. If they did decide to lay him off and keep me on, it would probably only be temporary situation until I clean up the detrius and then I'd be shown the door. Or perhaps given to another team to work with.

So, basically, I'm freaking out. We could be okay without me working for a while - sure, we'd have to cut back on things, but we won't have to eat the dog or live under a bridge. We are really lucky in that we are financially in pretty decent shape. Staying home wouldn't be a permanent thing, though - financially and mentally it's important for me to work. I know I shouldn't worry about something that I have no control over - and that may not even happen anyway - but I can't help but feel a little panicky over the whole situation. How easy is it going to be to find a job when the economy is in the crapper and no one is hiring? Ugh.

All this comes on the heels of me being sick of myself and my weight. Monday starts my renewed commitment to living a healthier lifestyle. I need to eat better, I need to move more, I need to commit to controlling my anxiety and taking better care of my emotional well-being. It scares me to think that I might lose my job, because even as prepared as I might be *if* it happens...well, it's going to be hugely devastating. How will I handle it - by plowing myself into a vat of chocolate pudding, Lifetime movies, and misery, or can I keep it under control?

On the good side, I have discussed it with a few friends and might have some possible employment opportunities out there. In all likelihood, I probably wouldn't be out of work forever...I'm just going to have to work at it instead of having opportunities fall into my lap like they have in the past.

So there you have it. Oh, and if anyone wants to virtually bitch-slap EPOD for dropping that little bomb on me on New Year's Eve, please feel free.