Tuesday, June 10, 2008

What exactly is normal, anyway?

I was going to call this post "Back to normal" but what exactly does that mean around here, anyway?

Joey came home last night. I have to admit that I've grown to enjoy his yearly Manstravaganza, especially now that Monkey Man is older and grown to be so much fun. We packed so much crap into five days that it was unbelievable. And fun.

And you know, I secretly enjoy having a few days where I don't have to worry about anyone's schedule. With Joey's job, it's a constant struggle to work everything around when he's going to be done. I know his cell phone rings at 5:15 every night with me on the other end wanting to know what the plan is for the evening and he probably cringes. So having a few days where it is me and my little buddy is fun. Not saying that I want it that way all the time, but it's a nice break.

Of course, this weekend is Father's Day and somehow I had the inkling that my in-laws were going to rear their ugly heads this weekend. Sure enough, the hair was standing up on the back of my neck as Joey pulled into the restaurant parking lot tonight at dinner and he was on the phone. Yup, my mother-in-law. It seems that they will be going to a nephew's graduation party about 40 minutes from our house on Saturday night (we were not invited, go figure) and they want us to meet them for breakfast or lunch for Father's Day.

Holidays are a serious sore point around here. Especially Mother's Day. Starting with the year that Monkey Man had turned one, my mother-in-law started with her theatrics the Friday before Mother's Day. She locked herself in her bathroom at her house and cried for hours because "her boys" (a.k.a. Joey and his brother Kenny) weren't coming for Mother's Day. My father-in-law called Joey and cussed him up one side and down another for "disrepektin yo mama" or some bullshit like that. So he was upset all weekend and basically we barely spoke.

The year after that, she locked herself in their bedroom crying. Again. So Joey decided after his father's angry call that WE had to go down to see his parents on Mother's Day weekend.

Um, I say bullshit. Again.

I was so angry with him that we ended up fighting again the entire weekend. And for at least a week after that. It got to the point where we had to actually sit down and come up with a written "contract" of what holidays would be spent where and all that stuff. It worked for about a year, and then fell by the wayside. The point being, I think he finally got it.

My whole bone of contention...not that I wanted him to disrespect his own mother, but I really felt like Mother's Day should be my day with my family. As in, the three of us being my family. At that point, my mother-in-law had gotten 32 Mother's Days all to herself. I had gotten two, both of them ruined by her fucking theatrics. It was mean and unfair. Joey's point was that she is his mom, and how could he ignore her on Mother's Day?

My point was...you don't have to ignore her - make plans to do something with her the weekend before, the day before, or the weekend after. Call her on Mother's Day. Send her a gift and/or a card. But dammit, Mother's Day should be our family day together. I never dragged him to see my father on Father's Day, so I expected the same courtesy. All I ever wanted was just to get to choose what *I* wanted to do on Mother's Day. Which would not involve spending the day with people I can barely tolerate.

Believe me, if you know my rocky relationship with my in-laws, you would know by now that my idea of the perfect day would be to get as far away from them as possible.

So anyhow, since the big blow-up I have gotten Mother's Day to choose whatever I wanted to do. And he has gotten Father's Day, and almost every year we have had to tolerate meeting his parents for lunch. I hate it, but it's his day and I just suck it up and pray that it's over quickly.

The worst part is that now that I know that we're going to have to see them this weekend, I am automatically on the defensive as well as feeling pretty snippy about the whole thing. My mother-in-law has called Joey's cell phone three times tonight and they are whispering about who knows what, probably some scheme she has come up with for Sunday. It makes my stomach hurt.

Maybe my father-in-law will share some of his hooch with me. That might make Sunday more tolerable.


joansy said...

I know you dread the in-law visits, but in a sick, twisted, oh-so-wrong way, I look forward to them as they are always great material for your posts. Still, I wait for the day that you say "it was amazing, they behaved themselves and I had a nice time." I'm not holding my breath.

Esmerelda said...

Ahhh. Two advantages of divorce 1) no inlaws 2) Mother's day is ALWAYS ALL MINE


(I had to find hte bright side because holidays are such a sore spot!)

MamaMaven said...

I have to agree with Joansy, while I feel horrible for you for having to deal with the outlaws, I know there will be a good story afterwards :)

g-man said...

I have often said the Booze makes the world a better place. Sorry that you have such f'ed up in-laws. You and my wife can commiserate.