Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Licking my wounds

In the comments on my last post, Joansy asked if everything was OK. (Thanks for asking, by the way. I miss you all too.)

If you'd asked me yesterday, I would've said yeah - I'm a little stressed about Christmas and I'm tired from running around like a crazy woman, but other than that I'm okay.

Today, I feel like I could just shrivel up.

Last week, I posted about my frustration with my sister inviting my parents to come up and stay for a few days. And I figured that would be the end of that. Instead, it has spiraled into this gigantic mess that has left me feeling deeply hurt and licking my wounds in the corner.

On Saturday, we had my niece-in-law's shower. And at that point, I'd heard some rumblings about a big family dinner at my sister's house. Finally, around 2 PM my sister asked me if we were coming and I told her I guessed we could. We did go, and we had a nice time.

On Sunday, I tried to call my sister multiple times. Now, she is notorious for not checking her answering machine or clearing out old messages. At last count there were like 32 messages on there. And honestly, most of the time I leave a message and never get a call back. Well, on Sunday I was never able to get in touch with anyone at the house or talk to my parents.

Monday morning, I called the house early hoping to catch them before they all left to go to Williamsburg. No answer. And at this point the stupid answering machine wasn't even picking up anymore, so leaving a message wasn't an option. At this point, I was getting upset. I had no idea where they were staying, how long they were going to be gone, nothing.

Tuesday rolled around. Never heard from anyone.

Today is my mom's birthday. I thought I remembered that my mom said they were heading back home today, so I gave her a call at her house to wish her a happy birthday. She whined a little bit about the gift I gave her - she is a big-time cook so I had ordered her a collection of spices from Penzey's as well as a great cookbook by Ina Garten. Apparently, I had given her the same spice collection either last year or the year before. Mom was less than thrilled. And I was upset - I mean hell, she can't remember what she said an hour ago, but she's going to be mad about getting some more spices because she hasn't used up all the other ones?

But then, the real hurt came. You see, apparently they came back to my sister's house yesterday. They never called to let me know they were back. And then they all went out to a special dinner at a swanky restaurant to celebrate my mom's birthday. And my brother-in-law's birthday, which is also today.

We weren't invited.

Yes, we are busy people. But these are my parents, and I would've gladly given up my lame office party last night to go to dinner with my family. Money's not an issue, we would have gladly pitched in our share and then some.

But we weren't invited. And that hurts.

It hurts that my sister continues to make plans to do things with my parents and I'm never even offered the opportunity to participate. Yes, I realize that she deserves and should get individual time with them. But you know, it goes both ways. I have such limited time to get to see them that it would help to at least be given the consideration of being invited to join them to do something.

I'll put it to you this way. I would never, ever invite my parents to visit and then plan a five-
day visit without inviting my sister to participate in every step of the way.

My frustration with her is at an all-time high right now. I don't understand how she can "forget" to tell me things like when we're having a family dinner or when she's inviting my parents to come or just basic courtesies. How I can call, leave messages, and don't get a returned call back.

I am constantly running on empty. And I'm not perfect. But I try to keep that consideration toward the people that I love.

It hurts. And I told my mom tonight that it bugs me that I feel like I am constantly painted as the bad child. There's only so much I can do when I can't get in touch with them or I'm not given a timeline of when they're here, when they're leaving, what they're doing. I don't think my sister is doing this with any malicious intent, I just think she is clueless about how her actions (or lack thereof) hurt me to the quick.

So I'm smarting a lot right now. I cried for an hour tonight, and tried really hard to keep it all together until I could get Monkey Man in bed. I don't even know what to do or how to handle it, because basically my mother washed her hands of it and said if it bugged me that much, I should take it up with my sister. Well, the timing isn't great - this time of year is so hard for her, and it would be like kicking her while she was down.

I just don't know if I can continue to swallow it all when I have this huge, aching lump in my throat.


Gretchen said...

For lack of a better term "Big Hugs." Really... If you ever need to talk, I'm just a phone call away.

ps. I found some great 'girly' fabric for Cat Door.

joansy said...

Damn. I was hoping that you were off partying and having too much time to blog.

First, I am so sorry. What a sucky thing to happen any time, but especially this time of year.

Second, I think your parents are out of line here too. They could have stayed in touch with you over the vacation and they could have arranged for some alone time with you if they were to have alone time with your sister. And bullshit that your mom gets to complain about a gift. I'm sure you're teaching MM the same thing I'm teaching my kids: suck it up if you don't like the gift, say thank-you with a genuine tone of voice, and move on. If 5 and 6 year olds can get the concept, so can your mom. And bitching about Penzys is way out of line. Their stuff is great and you can never have to much.

As for your sister, I would be really hurt too. I don't know if its better to say something to her after the holidays or to just let it go, don't expect a damn thing from her, and make your own plans with your parents without her input.

I hope the rest of your week is much, much better. When can you drink again?

MPPs Mom said...

super huge gigantic hugs. I would feel the same way as you. I'm sorry your mom wasn't more understanding, and I can also see why bringing this up with your sister now isn't a good time.
But after the new year....just the two of you, have a heart to heart. And there'll be more hugs waiting after that.

Heather said...

I really can't say it any better than Joansy (darn all those lawyer arguments!). I would be really upset about it as well. I am sorry that its all going down this time of year. I agree with mmps Mom that after the first of the year a heart-to-heart with the sister is in order!

Tree said...

I agree with Joansy.

((((((HUGS)))))) to you.

Mrs. Wheezer said...

ITA with Joansy. ((((Hugs))))