Monday, December 11, 2006

Crap sack

There's nothing really big going on. I've been busy prepping my liver for the forthcoming two weeks in which we have three dinners, two parties, and several holiday luncheons to go to. My friend Robin discovered several years ago from this holistic vet she'd been taking her epileptic mastiff to that taking milk thistle can help rejuvenate your liver. I plan on being at GNC first thing tomorrow to get a big ol' vat of that shit, and will be mainlining it stat.

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EPOD Version 3.0 - The Mini

The big day finally arrived yesterday.

EPOD became a grandfather to a little girl. Apparently his daughter had the baby in record time, going from 6 centimeters dialated to 10 centimeters in about an hour's time. EPOD was home painting his front door when Mrs. EPOD called telling him to get his ass in gear and get to the hospital.

He was amazingly non-grumpy today for the first time in weeks. Although I think he's not very happy about being a grandfather. Which I plan on using against him at every opportunity available.

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Mysteries of the universe, part 2

Why is it that the week you are getting your haircut, it looks better than it's looked in 3 years?

Why is it that when you finally get to the doctor and get antibiotics, you immediately feel better before even taking the first dose?

Why did God give me fat calves that make it virtually impossible to find boots that fit properly and zip all the way up?

Is it possible for my dog to continually shed and not be totally bald?

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I wonder if Women's Wear Daily has heard this yet

From the mouth of my friend Cathy's son Michael, age 11, discussing what he wants for Christmas:

"Hey Mom - my friends, who are all the cool people, all say that camouflage is the new black."

Hey HotLips, didn't you get your Angel Tree chick a camouflage something-or-other? See, I knew you were on top of things.

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Bah, humbug

If one more person in our office asks me when I'm handing out my usual batches of baked goods, I'm going to bludgeon them to death with a hole punch.

I am a recovering Martha Stewart wannabe. The first year we were married, I spent a week wrapping packages complete with hot gluing little decorations on every stinking package. Then the following year, I baked these little graham cracker treats for everyone in my office. It grew, year by year - I took one year off after spending the last week of December the previous year in tears because I couldn't find the "perfect tins" to put all this crap in. I expanded my goods to include banana bread, coconut bread, 7-layer bars, and the list goes on and on.

Last year, I swore I was never doing it again. And this year I haven't touched the first pan.

You know what, though? I miss those damn graham bars. Dammit. And if I make any, they're all for ME.

Remind me of this in January when my ass is three miles wide, okay? Muchas gracias.

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G'night. I knocked about 20 people off my shopping list tonight and my dogs are beat. Not to mention that I didn't sleep worth a crap last night, so hopefully tonight will be better. I tried to catch up on my sleep today, but EPOD kept coming in my office and waking me up, the bastard.

6 comments:

joansy said...

Great update.
Good for you on not giving in to the demand for baked goods and congrats on the shopping!

Gretchen said...

Yea on the shopping!

As for the boots, I know Eddie Bauer makes some for the more generously proportioned calves.

g-man said...

H has been a cookie making machine! Damn you food TV! I do the cleaning up, and she can generate a shit load of debris! The cookies are SO worth it though. I can commiserate with you on the sleep thing, I have a friend who is an acupuncturist and he is helping me by suggesting supplements and a little Feng Shui. I'll let you know if it works out.

Builder Mama said...

See Gretchen, this is why I love you - "generously proportioned"...

G-man, I know H is an awesome cook, how do you not weigh 10,000 pounds? Anyhow, let me know how the feng shui and supplements stuff works out. I'm about 1.5 years into this sleep issue and haven't really done much about it because I don't want to take meds. Not to mention that I've heard horror stories about sleep studies done here locally. I'd rather suffer than go through what my friends have gone through which I think left them more scarred than before!

g-man said...

I do weigh 10,000 lbs. :) Will do on the sleep thing, I had a sleep study done twice (had the nurse take pictures each time, pretty scary looking I must say) I apparently stopped breathing during the first one. I learned that during a sleep study "Crashing" is not good :) I can still remember the last time I woke up fully rested, it was the last day of our honeymoon cruise. (Almost 7 years ago)

MamaMaven said...

One of those cookie baking extravaganzas were the peppermint pinwheels from Gretchen, not nearly as difficult I might have thought!

When you find those boots for generous calves, let me know!