Thursday, November 16, 2006

I hereby not only throw down the gauntlet, I bury the sucker in the ground

Tonight I was standing in my kitchen sweating over the fact that a certain someone has a significant day coming up this weekend, and between the fact that my lungs are exploding and my brain is atrophying I neglected to come up with any treat for him to take to school to share with his friends. And nothing says lovin' like sending in two dozen sugar-laden treats for the teachers to give out an hour before the parents pick their little darlings up for the weekend. Don't ever say that I'm not a thoughtful person.

No cake mix, but two cans of vanilla frosting that is "homestyle". So I dragged out my Better Homes and Gardens cookbook and after consultation with Mer I decided to make yellow cake cupcakes and then will do the frosting and some sprinkles. At least one part of this will be homemade, despite what the frosting can says.

Later on as I was measuring up the dry goods, I heard my cell phone ring and it was Gretchen calling from the road. We talked about all the usual stuff and then the conversation went to the whole Mother of the Year thing we talk about in our blogs.

Well, Gretchen, consider the gauntlet thrown. There is no way that you can beat me in this competition this year, sweetcheeks.

Consider, if you will:

Who fed her kid rotten lunch meat?
Whose kid dropped the f-bomb at circle time during Letter F week?
Who scheduled her kid for surgery on the most hallowed days of children, Halloween?
Who told her kid that if he picked his nose anymore that the doctor would burn the inside of his nose?

And those are just the high points. And there were plenty of low points, too.

Good luck, Gretchen. And may the best woman win.

Now, where is that "homestyle" frosting?


hotlips said...

Um, you can't talk about all that other shit in the same post where you talk about baking two dozen homemade cupcakes for his classmates. You lose. Sorry.

Builder Mama said...

Hey, but like Gretchen churns her own butter and actually cooks dinner for her family. Doesn't that count against her even a teensy bit?

joansy said...

I soooooooo want in on this contest. My kids are 4.5 years old and I think I have cooked dinner for them maybe 3 times in their lives - and I'm pretty sure they got scrambled eggs each of those times (I threw in veggies once and tried to disguise them with cheese, thinking this to be the Martha Stewart moment of my life, but the kids were not amused).

Mitzi Green said...

gretchen doesn't have a prayer in hell to win MOTY. my kid's preschool teachers always ask, when we bring in any food item for any reason, "your mommy didn't make this, did she?" when he gives the standard "no, ben made it" answer, they heave a sigh of relief and dig in. and just monday afternoon, i told him if he didn't start behaving himself at school, i'd lose my job and we'd end up homeless.

Tanaya said...

Sign me up and I'll tell you about the day I demostrated (on purpose) to K-Man exactly why you don't unbuckle your car seat when we're moving.