As I've whined about pretty incessantly for at least the last 5 weeks, I had a Mirena IUD put in back in November right before I left for Baltimore. I was kind of at the point where I was sick of having these skull-crushing migraines every month around the time good ol' Aunt Flo would ride into town, not to mention the fact that I was looking for something a little more permanent but not too permanent, if that makes any sense. In other words, I'm not quite ready to either get my tubes tied or make Joey get the big V done so a Mirena seemed like the obvious choice.
Yeah. Well, the first two weeks were pretty unfun. Cramping, bleeding, and just feeling like I'd been violated without even getting flowers or dinner out of it.
Today was my big follow-up visit to Dr. Brown to get the strings trimmed. For those of you not in the know, the Mirena has these long almost wire-like strings that are attached to it. My doctor inserted it, then you wait 30 days to make sure that the sucker doesn't come flying out or your body doesn't reject it (therefore the need to have the strings handy to remove the thing) and then you go back to get the strings trimmed up so they're not so long. And they're not like hanging out of the hoo-ha or anything, they're kind of nestled around the opening of the cervix.
Well, when I got it put in I was given pretty specific instructions to check for the strings, especially after gettin' busy. And I did - then, before, later on, pretty much every day. And I never felt a damn thing. Like I even had my legs over my head at one point, trying to contort myself into a position where I could feel the strings - and never could. Um, that made me nervous. All I could envision was the stupid thing floating around in a free-for-all in my poor virgin cervix. Or that the Mirena was going to come shooting out at some inopportune time like in the grocery store or while I was farting or something. "Look, honey, what was that?"
When I went in today, everything checked out fine but it seems like I have yet another hoo-ha infection. Not the usual skanky hoo-ha type of thing, but basically a pretty common infection that happens when they put the Mirena in. It will take 7 days of medication and then I should be as good as new.
The only problem, though? Would be that one of the medications absolutely, positively, cannot be taken with any alcohol. None. As in "Avoid alcoholic beverages while taking this medication and for at least 3 days after finishing this medicine because drinking alcohol may result in severe stomach upset/cramps, nausea, vomiting, headache and flushing." My doctor told me the reaction would probably be severe enough to put me in the hospital.
And of course, we have no fewer than 5 Christmas functions involving alcohol in the next 10 days. You do the math. I have been reduced to the "sober one" who will get to stand around with my Coke in hand while everyone gets sloppy, then drive my husband home. This is going to majorly suck.
As I was driving home tonight, Cat Door called to see what I was up to and I told him what was going on. His response: "God, talk about bad karma. That sucks."
Yes, yes it does.