Monday, October 08, 2007


Well, at least that's what I'm aiming for. Pure MILFiliciousness.

Today was my first weigh-in since going back on Weight Watchers. Total loss, 4.4 pounds. WOOT! So to celebrate, I decided to head up the road to the Tropical Smoothie Cafe where I could get a smoothie and maybe a sandwich for lunch since I didn't really have time to meet the girls for lunch at that point.

And this is where things went wrong. See, I have zero willpower. None, nada, zip. So I was checking out the menu and instead of being GOOD and getting a 6-point salad, I decided that I was going to get this wrap they call Popeye's Favorite. Described as "chicken strips, spinach, artichokes, diced tomatoes, and low-fat mozzarella cheese wrapped in a tortilla" I figured hey - spinach, artichokes, low-fat cheese? How bad could that be? So I greedily grabbed my takeout bag and hustled back to the office.

As I pulled into the parking lot, I started wondering if I shouldn't log online and figure out how many points the wrap had. I knew the Pineapple Delight smoothie (made with Splenda!) was only 3 points, but the so sure. So I got online, found the nutritional information, and calculated...THIRTEEN MOTHERFUCKING POINTS FOR HALF A WRAP. That's right, for HALF of the wrap. Four inches, which if that was the *ahem* size of a man's thingy, I would've laughed out loud. I'm all about size, baby.

I was befuddled. I headed into the breakroom in search of a knife, and as I was chatting with a coworker I sliced it in half and took a gander at it.

Oh, sweet Jesus. It was basically like a tortilla with chicken and spinach/artichoke dip in it. One of my favorite things to eat. I folornly looked at my new love, cursing all the while.

And yes, I ate it. HALF of it. And after attempting to find another home for the wrap so I wouldn't eat it, I threw it in the trash and dumped coffee grounds on it. Ya know, so I didn't go dumpster diving when the 3 PM hungries set in. I wept a little bit as I dropped that sucker in the trash can.

So for dinner, I pretty much got not much of anything. Another portobello/spinach pita that I whipped up at home, and a cup of the Progresso soup that is 0 points per cup. But it's okay, because the orgasm that I got off that half a wrap was worth it.

God, I really am pathetic.


aimee / greeblemonkey said...

Congrats on the weighin! WOO HOO!

Heather said...

You go girl! I seriously applaud your ability to jettison that half of an orgasmic wrap. I need to find that somewhere in my body!

Tree said...

Good job on the weigh in and in controlling your urge to eat the whole wrap.

g-man said...

Yeah I hated those WW surprises, that's why I don't do it anymore :) Don't kid yourself you are already one hot mama, but if you are committed to the "ideal" then you GO! Joey will have to beat them off with a stick! (no pun intended)

Love ya! Mean it.

Esmerelda said...

Damn avacados!! They're vegetables in DISGUSE!

Mitzi Green said...

indeed you are pathetic, my friend. (says the woman with a box of hostess chocolate frosted donettes under her desk.)

Two Dishes said...

The new menu law in New York has been really useful. Super informative. Everything sold at a chain restaurant has to have calorie count in type font 60% as large as the price. So far it has been infromative and surprising. Its a very clever way to affect eating habits via education.