I know. I'd been doing so well, like posting a few days in a row. But you know how it is - sometimes you get a case of blogblock that kind of prevents you from posting much of anything at all.
I've been focusing this week on myself. As in trying to get back in the Weight Watchers groove. The first three weeks are always the hardest because I find myself obsessing over food, food, and more food. Hey, wait - isn't this what got me into this predicament in the first place? Um, yeah.
This is my fourth love affair with Weight Watchers. I did it in college with my roomie, Kim (hi Kimmy!). I think that time I lost around 20 pounds but I was a total gym rat at that time - we had a great gym that I signed up for a multi-year contract with and would go all the freaking time. And of course, when you're like 21 years old it's sooo easy. The pounds just fall off. And you don't appreciate it at all. I tell you what, I would kill to have that metabolism back again!
My second time was back in either 1999 or 2000. I got skinny. Scary skinny. As a matter of fact, I have always kind of suspected that it contributed a little bit to my infertility problems, because I put about 10 pounds of it back on and BAM! Monkey man was conceived.
My third time was in August, 2005. That was the big one. When all was said and done, I lost over 40 pounds and I managed to keep it off for two years. My motivating factor on that is all spilled here. I still believe that if I hadn't done something, my health was going to be in some serious jeopardy since at 35 I couldn't even walk up a flight of stairs without gasping for breath. How pathetic is that?
And now, here I am, dancing with the Weight Watchers devil yet again. Dammit.
The first few weeks are the biggest challenge for me. Remembering what food is equal to how many points, mentally tallying it all in my head, having to re-learn how to eat. Eventually, around Week 3, it becomes a second nature and I start rattling off points like some kind of idiot savant. It freaks my friends out. And probably annoys them, too.
I've also worked out every day for the past two weeks (except Wednesdays which are my self-imposed day off). It feels good. I'm running a little bit again, mostly speedwalking though on inclines up to 8.0. It makes my ass look fabulous.
I have a really hard time with the whole dieting/fitness thing. It eats up so much of me that I feel almost guilty and selfish for focusing so much time and energy on myself. I'm not one of those selfless people that you see on those makeover shows by any stretch of the imagination - like it hasn't exactly been 5 years since my last haircut or since I bought myself some new pants - but still, it makes me feel a tad guilty to spend an hour of my day working out. And that's stupid, so I'm trying to get over that. I mean, it's selfish NOT to take care of myself, because I want to be around a long time to harass Monkey Man and spend all of Joey's money!
So, it is what it is. I'm doing pretty well. My weigh-in will be tomorrow at 10:30. I know I've lost some, but of course their scales are completely different than mine. As long as I've accomplished something after busting my ass all week, I'll be happy.
I'm eating better this time - making more food for myself instead of trying to piecemeal some semblance of a diet. Like yesterday for lunch, I made the most awesome sandwich. Get yourself a package of sliced portobello mushrooms - cook them on the grill or in a skillet on the stove, 4 minutes per side. I used a smidge of olive oil and garlic to cook them in, so make that 1 point just for the oil factor and 0 points for the mushrooms. Take a Thomas' whole wheat pita (2 points), add to it a cup of fresh spinach (0 points), 3 teaspoons of Presidente fat-free feta cheese (1 point), and your sauteed mushrooms. It was huge and yummy and a whopping 4 points. Add to that some of the Progresso 0 point soup and it was a great lunch that kept me filled up until dinnertime. And that's what I'm having for lunch today, too.
So see - it's an obsession right now. So much of an obsession that I've been contemplating about starting a different blog just for diet and exercise, focusing on busy moms. It seems like there isn't much out there focusing on that - and not like I'm some kind of guru or anything, but there should be some kind of place to go for inspiration or venting or just looking for a little comraderie when you're having a moment when you've eaten that sundae or your pants that fit two months ago don't fit. Not to mention how to fit it all in when you're running around like a crazy person.
So, whaddaya think? Would you read something like that? Would you like to be a contributor? Drop me an email if you'd like to be a contributor...buildermama at gmail dot com. I'm looking for a good spectrum of people with different challenges (like if you have a health issue that makes you more conscientious of your need to be fit) that can chime in every now and then. I'll be trying to get it started up in the next few weeks, once we get back from our trip.
Until then, I'm just going to keep obsessing. That only costs 0 points, but does it burn any calories?