Are you ready for some football?

My son eats, breathes, and sleeps football. College, professional, doesn't make a difference. Heaven forbid that he has to go to sleep before a game is over, because we are subjected to major Pouty Puss and then first thing in the morning before he even cracks his eyes open he asks who won.

It's a sickness, I tell you. If I could get him to wipe himself with the same diligence that he applies to what teams wear what color uniforms, I'd be one happy camper.

I don't think he cares about which team is best as much as he cares if they are wearing yellow in their uniforms or not. Yellow has been his favorite color since he was old enough to say the word. So, for example, you get some stunning examples of football analysis like this:

Me: So Monkey Man, who are you pulling for this week - Virginia Tech or LSU?

MM: Well, it was a really tough decision. 'Cuz you know, Daddy's favorite team is Virginia Tech. But LSU wears purple and yellow, so that's who I'm going to pull for.

God, it was fun to torture Joey with that one. Especially since it wasn't like Monkey Man was pulling for LSU because they were ranked like #2 or #3 at the time, it was strictly due to their yellow pants.

I guess that beats the tactics of an old friend of mine, who killed the guys at work in the football pool every year by picking teams based on which quarterback had the best ass. It was actually a pretty good system, considering she had formerly picked by which city she'd rather live in. That didn't always bode so well for her.

Me, well, I love football - but in small doses. Like maybe one college game and one pro game a week. That's plenty. And honestly, I don't care who wins as long as they don't wake me up if I fall asleep during the game.