Sunday, July 15, 2007

PMS and swimsuits

First of all, I want to wish a very happy birthday to one of my best friends in the universe, Mer. Happy 30th, and just remember - you are fabulous!!!!


I can't think of a better way to spend my Sunday afternoon than torturing myself. I have PMS, I'm bloated, feel fat, and irritable. So what do you do in a case like that?

You go swimsuit shopping.

Last year, I "splurged" and found a few Anne Cole swimsuits at Costco for like $25 each. Well, they worked okay but not great. I have a freakishly long torso for someone my size, so typically one-pieces won't work and I sure as hell can't wear a bikini without scaring off the masses. Tankinis are my only option, so I picked out three and wore them to death last year. About two months ago, I stumbled on a Ralph Lauren suit at Marshalls and snapped that puppy up because it was the best-fitting tankini I've ever worn. Well, slight problem - it's pastel-colored, so therefore it has a lining throughout the whole thing. You can imagine what it looks like wet - I look like a baby in a bunched-up, wet diaper with a load in the back. It ain't pretty.

Next weekend I'm going on a girls' weekend with the Neighborhood Badasses. I figure since we all have at least one kid apiece not to mention that one of us is preggo, no one will really be looking stellar in a swimsuit. That doesn't help my vanity, though - I'll be damned if I want to look like I dropped a load in my swimsuit. So, off to the mall today to try and find a swimsuit.

First stop was Macy's, which was having a fabulous sale. Fabulous as in you could get a great suit at a cheap price as long as you were a size 2 or if you were doing the seperates if you didn't mind having like a size 16 top with a size 4 bottom. I must have tried on 30 swimsuits before I finally gave up. There was one fabulous one-piece that looked amazing on, but it was one of those suits that you'd wear to a fancy resort - not the neighborhood pool. Maybe a little too much boobage, even for me. I know, shocking.

Then I trudged down to Dillards. The prices were higher, but the selection was amazing. Look, a size 12 top AND bottom! Incredible. I tried on probably 20 suits there and went home with two, which ironically were also Ralph Lauren tankinis but without the nasty lining issue. Dark colors, apparently, are the key to avoiding this issue.

I'm really super anxious about this trip. This is funny because I usually don't get really riled up about much of anything, especially if drinking will be involved and perhaps a spa treatment or two. But as much as I'm considered part of the Badasses, I'm not really in the core group. I'm kind of on the periphery - not that I'm complaining, but I just feel like I'm going to be the fifth wheel on this trip. I'm determined to enjoy it especially since I didn't go to the PIM reunion this year and really haven't had a girls' weekend since I went to Boston back in 2006. That's a looong time without an estrogen fix. So I figure that if I take enough vodka, bourbon, and red wine, I can make it through with little problem.

And, if you can find a swimsuit that makes you happy when you have PMS, it can't be a bad thing.


g-man said...

For the record there is never "too much boobage". Glad you found a suit, have a great time.

Esmerelda said...

Look darlin'. The badassess obviously like you or you wouldn't be on the trip. Go and live it up. I bet you look fantastic in that swimsuit.

(BTW can you send all those suits that were too short on you to me, I have a freakishly short torso)

Heather said...

I am sure you will be the life of the badass party. If you survived swimsuit shopping with PMS, you are a serious survivor!

joansy said...

I'm also doing to PMS gig this week and trying on swimsuits is so far at the bottom of my list that I couldn't possible get to it until, oh say, 8 years from now. Congrats on the effort and the success and I can't wait for the details about next weekend's adventures.

Tree said...

I agree with Esmerelda. They like you or you would not be going. And I have to admire you for even contemplating swimsuit shopping with PMS.

Mitzi Green said...

jesus, i won't even try on swimsuits on a GOOD day.