Monday, July 30, 2007
How to survive your 20th high school reunion
Make sure your alcoholic beverages are securely strapped inside your PimpMobile. Cuz ya don't want any spillage, yo. Especially since it's BYOB at the dayum Moose Lodge.
Grab your nametag. Try to ignore the fact that you not only had a mullet in 1987, but a freaking spike cut too. Multitasking at such a young age.
Find out that your former best friend is a bonafide alcoholic with his 10th DUI and so much brain damage from alcohol that you can't understand a single damn word he says. Plus he looks like he's about 50, doesn't he? Kids, if this isn't enough to make you sober up, nothing is.
Find your old college roommate that you lost touch with 15 years ago. Promise that this time you'll stay in touch, especially since he lost that bitchy ex-wife of his.
Pose for the obligatory class picture that no one will stand still for. Hide in the back hoping no one will notice that you're bald.
Last, but not least, wait until you've sweated your ass off at the Moose Lodge for three hours before finally allowing yourself to have your picture taken with your wife. Who, by the way, looks a whole lot damn better than your high school girlfriend. But who's comparing.