Day one and my hoo-ha is falling out

At this rate, this is going to be a fabulous five days.


All week, I've had these little twingy feelings in my lower abdomen, somewhat like the one or two UTI's I've had in my lifetime. But no other symptoms - no fever, no chills, no blood, no frequent peeing, none of that stuff. Then yesterday, I had some other odd symptoms so I figured it was time to go see Dr. Brown.


I love Dr. Brown. She's a sole practicioner, and after enduring the Wal-Mart of OB-GYN's during my pregnancy she was a welcome relief. Of course, going to a sole practicioner can be a challenge, like if you are there just for skanky hoo-ha problems and she has someone else whose hoo-ha is actually falling out, you might have to wait a while. She does have good magazines, though - most of them were actually from April, May, and June. 2007, not 1998. This is a good thing.


Luckily for me, no one else's hoo-ha was falling out today so I was in and out in about 40 minutes after a pretty thorough exam and talking to her for a while about some other issues. The end result - no evident UTI but she is sending a sample to be cultured and put me on antibiotics just in case. Got a prescription for the yeast infection I will get from said antibiotics. And this lovely cream in a huge rainbow-colored box that I have to use tonight because there was some evidence of bacteria. Maybe it's a good thing Joey is gone after all, because I will apply said cream, put on a diaper, and if he was here I would have to put up razor wire across the middle of the bed. He'll have much more fun spooning with Flash.


So after I finished at Dr. Brown's, I ran by my pharmacy and dropped off the prescription for the antibiotics and ran back to work. As I pulled into the parking lot, the dilemma became what to do with the Rainbow Hoo-Ha Cream Box. I mean, it's pretty large and garish and easily noticable. I didn't want to leave it in the car because it was 95 damn degrees today and who wants to put hot cream in their hoo-ha? (Get your mind out of the gutter, G-man!)


I skulked on into the office, brandishing the Rainbow Hoo-Ha Cream Box and attempted to camouflage it in my office to no avail. What is it about carrying something embarrassing with you that virtually guarantees you will run into everyone you've ever known and gave a damn what they thought about you? The only thing missing was running into an ex-boyfriend, but I'm sure that's only because most of them are in jail. And if they were in jail with Paris Hilton for her life sentence of three days, I'm sure they saw in due time that she had her own Rainbow Hoo-Ha Cream Box.


When I got home I looked for my camera so that I could post a picture of the box. It's really too good not to. I just can't figure out why they can't be a little more discreet with these things, like is it really necessary to put VAGINAL CREAM in 36 point font all over the damn box? I mean, if a doctor gave it to you certainly you'd know what it was for, right? Or is it to serve as a warning to other people, "This woman has skanky hoo-ha, run like hell!"


All I can say is that I hope this crap is gone soon. And if I'm having problems already, it's going to be a loooong summer. I'm still having flashbacks to last summer. Egads.