Mental masturbation

One of my favorite terms, used often on the Big Corporate Office Job where we would have daylong meetings to discuss things like bathroom mirrors. The mental masturbation that would go on there was simply exhausting, and not in a good way.

*****

Lies, lies, lies

I've been a horrible slacker - Aimee over at Greeblemonkey tagged me last week to do a meme and of course I've been so - well, not busy, but LAZY that I'm finally getting around to it.

Nine truths and a lie - see if you can guess which one is the lie. Winner gets...well, my undying gratitude.

1. I have a sister that is 20 years older than I am.

2. I met Joey on a blind date.

3. I was a member of the Reba McEntire fan club.

4. I was engaged to be married before I met Joey.

5. It took me over two years to get pregnant with Monkey Man.

6. I have a birthmark on the left side of my torso.

7. I love to talk about boobs.

8. I have never had a speeding ticket or a parking ticket.

9. I wanted to be a veterinarian when I grew up.

10. I have never smoked a cigarette or tried drugs.

Yeah, I am boring. Yawn.

*****

An act of sheer rebellion

I came home from work tonight to find out that the Homeowner Association Nazi was around doing inspections today and wrote us up, leaving a bright orange notice tied to our mailbox so now our neighbors know what horrible people we are. The transgression? "Turf needs weed control and grass seed application and cut embankment to end of property line." We have about 10 feet of property that goes down the edge of the road and borders the woods and most of the time, we're less than diligent about keeping it manicured because, well, it's in the FUCKING WOODS. But whatever. Joey is out there now with the weed wacker attempting to at least get the grass cut down a little bit.

The irony of it all - she noticed the 10-foot patch of grass, but disregarded the very large Trash Majal that Cat Door built for us last year sans HOA approval. Bah!

*****

This little blonde woman is kicking my ass

The other week when I was home with the creeping crud, I was flipping channels and noticed an infomercial that caught my attention. I was seriously glued to the TV. And I freaking HATE infomercials like nobody's business.

What was it for? Fluidity. I studied dance for years and know how it all works, and it's true - you get completely different results from dance-type exercise versus treadmill and weights. I thought about springing for it and then Joey ended up surprising me with it for Mother's Day. I was thrilled.

And let me tell y'all. It looks easy. That little blonde woman who came up with the system - you think you could kick her ass in a second. But nooooo. She kicked my ass all over the place on Tuesday night, and I'm getting ready to head downstairs for another round of torture. A 30-minute workout and I was sweating, my muscles were shaking, and I couldn't even do some of the beginner-level exercises. It's hard. I thought I was in pretty good shape, but this just shows me that in some ways I am - and in others, I'm pathetic. Just pathetic.

*****

Shake your money maker

If you haven't heard it already, the first single from Maroon 5's new album is out already - "Makes Me Wonder." Serious ass-shaking music. I am in love. I was cranking this as I was riding through town tonight with Monkey Man in the backseat and we were "driving dancing." Yeah, people were staring at me, but screw them.

So tomorrow, at 9:58 AM, think of me standing behind my desk and shakin' it as hard as I can. Makes the day go by a little bit faster.