I'm a romantic person. That's right, believe it or not, every now and then my little heart that is black as coal comes back to life and I can be right freakin' affectionate.
I hate Valentine's Day, though. I don't think I used to hate it. But I think The World's Most Expensive Preschool has made me hate it.
It all started when he was two. Obviously I had no life so I volunteered to make brownies for Monkey Man's class. And I couldn't just make regular, out-of-the-box brownies. I had to make special, from-scratch brownies cut into little hearts with a pink glaze and a little chocolate heart on the top. I don't think a single kid ate them.
Then came the Valentines. We get the list about three days before the party, little Valentine cards must be purchased, and then is the agonizing part. For the past two years, they have asked us to have our child write the name of each child in the class on the cards. This, my friends, is somewhat like having an alien anal probe with no anesthesia. It's agonizing, tedious, and frankly, after watching Monkey Man ditch all the cards last year in favor of the candy I have come to the conclusion that it is a severe waste of time.
This year they are having a party (I signed up to bring bowls, how freaking lame is that?), we have to do the Valentine cards (23 this year and I only made Monkey Man sign his name - I did the other kids' names), and now the kicker. We are supposed to bring in a "decorated box or bag for your child to put their cards in."
See, this is where I get into trouble. A compulsive freak like me can't just go to Target and buy a bag and slap a few stickers on it. Noooo. I took a shoebox and covered it in textured white wrapping paper and will let Monkey Man decorate it tomorrow - if he's not still pissed about having to sign 23 cards tonight. I withheld his Oreos until he finished because I'm a bitch.
Then, really, the worst part is the candy. See, Monkey Man has a peanut allergy. Do you know how hard it is to find candy that he can actually eat? And lots of this novelty candy isn't even labeled, so it's like playing Russian roulette to try and see what he can eat and what is forbidden. At this point, the school sends home everything so I can inspect it and I also keep a bag of "good" chocolate at school for him to have when a suspicious treat is circulating around. Like most people don't realize that regular M&M candies contain peanut oil in the candy coating, and it's not labeled on the package. We didn't know that until we went through the allergy testing and the doctor told us. So really, any holiday involving candy is a total nightmare.
So really - you can keep Valentine's Day. Show me that you love me the other 364 days a year and I'm good. Really. Is that asking too much?
Oh yeah, and if you could outlaw those stupid little paper Valentine's, I'd be your love slave for life.
7 comments:
I got compulsive last night and made little wrappers to go around boxes of conversation hearts for Ellie's teachers today and tonight its heart shaped cupcakes for the Kindergarten class (strawberry of course and I cut off the labels and send them to school along with the ingredients I use).
I am so, so with you.
At our preschool, it's "hug day" rather than Valentine's day, but the end result is the same -- I'll spend the bulk of the night prepping 40 damn valentines and pleading with the kids to sign their names just a few more times.
Did someone say love slave?
SO let it be written so let it be done!
There.
i, too, hate VD--but now that i have someone in my life who loves me, it doesn't make me want to bitch-slap everyone i see as much as it used to.
thank the goddess bob attends a small, private preschool where people think it would be neat to be a hippie. last year i thought i was being all cool by making valentines with bob (instead of buying them), only to go through his goody bag at the end of the day and find out several people made their own valentines. we did it again this year--today--thankfully, i bought some stickers last week and my MIL sent him some and i found just enough pieces of red and pink construction paper in his art box to make 20 cutout hearts...
hey, i made heart-shaped cupcakes last week.
Liz, I have to tell ya that because of you / MM and other kids who have peanut allergies, I actually asked the teacher this year if any children in the class had an allergy and she said it was the first time in about 5 years that she does not have one student with it. She was impressed that I asked, though.
Fortunately, N only had to sign his name, and not address the cards, and the kids decorated bags at school.
Oh and our party was last Friday. So this is all behind me!
I'm not a big fan of VDay, either. We buy store-bought valentines, write the kids' names ourselves and call it a day.
You are going to love this! It was an assigned FAMILY PROJECT to make the box for Declan's Valentines and we went to a concert and let the babysitters work on it with him! EEKS!
Oh, and I hate V Day too. Mainly because it's overly commercialized, overly focuses on candy and overly focuses on grand expensive gestures for one day when you should be working every day to make small gestures in your relationships.
But, as I keep having to make Valentines Boxes, I am sure I'll come to hate it for school-related reasons too.
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