A few weeks ago I got an e-vite to an...ahem...adult toy party. You know, the one where you pay lots of money for all kinds of creams and lotions and buzzy things and maybe even some things that will make your husband either smile with glee or go running for the hills?
The last one of these I went to was over a year ago at the same house. I was with a bunch of other moms whose kids go to the same preschool as Monkey Man. Nothing spells bonding like licking honey lotion off each others' hands, right? Add in a bunch of alcohol and this older woman who was giving the show (which was like having your mom sell you a dildo) and soon everyone overcame their nervousness and was plunking down hundreds of dollars.
Most of us had little brown lunch bags with an item or two in them. The braver ones showed the goods, whereas the rest of us secreted the bags on out the door and never fessed up to what we purchased. As a matter of fact, other than one item I haven't used a single thing that I bought at that party. Does anyone ever use what they buy, or am I just a freak?
Anyhow, my friend Jae came staggering out of the little "showroom" with a huge shopping bag, a half-empty glass of booze, and a leer on her face. "I sure hope Harry is awake when I get home so I can try my stuff out!" she crowed. "For the love of God, I hope he's in a coma," I whispered to another friend, "for his own sake."
I've been meaning to have one of these parties at my house for my girlfriends at work. But honestly, how much fun is it to buy the Long Dong Schlong right in front of people that you're going to see on Monday morning? Not so much.
I did invite my friend and partner in crime April to go with me tomorrow since I know I could bring Long Dong Schlong home without her batting an eyelash, not to mention that she'll probably buy an even bigger one and then we'll get to compare notes over lunch.
So what will I buy? I don't know, but I've been telling Joey all week that he better get ready, because I'm thinking it'll be the PleasureVibe 2000 with the crash helmet and handlebars.
1 comment:
To follow the advice of one of the ladies when I went to one of these parties "Don't buy the edible underwear, they make your teeth stick to your gums!"
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