He puts the D in dumbass

I've heard some pretty funny stories from the jobsites in the past few years. Stupid people doing stupider things, which is always good fodder for family dinners (and is yet another reason why my mother gets heartburn by the thought that her precious daughter works in construction). But the story making the rounds today at the office is just too good not to share.

About eight months ago, my company hired this guy that I'll call John as a superintendent. He brought a fairly impressive resume with him, but I could tell the moment that I met the guy that he was a bullshitter of epic proportions. When you've worked in construction long enough, you develop an instinct for who is truly a good superintendent and who is just playing the part and will end up shooting himself in the foot later on.

His first job was an apartment building downtown which is part of one of the colleges located here. My friend J was the project manager, and is one of those guys that rolls with the punches and almost never complains about anyone or anything - and he totally hated John by the end of the project. Basically, the guy skipped out on the project before the job was done and left a huge mess to be cleaned up. But he talked a good game, so our VP of operations assigned him to another high-profile project downtown.

His latest project was a set of luxury townhouses located in a rather unique section of the city - basically, this area is full of renovated warehouses that rent out a tiny apartment for upwards of $1K a month. These teeny townhouses are located on the very edge of the city, nowhere near a gas station or grocery store, and have a lovely view of a convenience store and this old run-down bar that I'll call The Pub. The going price is $450K and up, and they have owners moving in next week.

Things were in such bad shape last week that they ended up pulling superintendents off of four other projects to come in and help John out. Conveniently enough, any time that the heat was turned up about what hadn't been done, John disappeared into the jobsite trailer to "do paperwork". By Friday, the VP was so disgusted that he called a meeting...

VP: Guys, we have our asses in a serious sling here, so I'm going to say that everyone has to work this weekend in order to make this happen.

Supt #1 - 4 all nod in unison, agreeing to be there...

John: Well, I can work on Saturday, but not on Sunday. I'm a church-going man so I'll be there all day on Sunday.

VP: Well John, I respect that. So we'll see you first thing on Monday, okay?

So fast forward to Sunday morning at 10 AM. VP decides to cruise by the townhouses to see if the superintendents are doing okay, brings donuts and coffee for everyone. As he is getting out of his truck, he notices something odd across the street at The Pub and calls one of the superintendents over...

VP: Hey, is that one of our company trucks over there at The Pub?

Supt #2: Yes sir, it is.

VP: Whose truck is that?

Supt #2: That's John's truck, sir.

VP: Why is his truck here? I thought he wasn't working today.

Supt #2: Um, take a look up on the roof, sir...

And there he was. John was re-roofing The Pub as a side job, using company tools and probably materials from the townhouses. Right across the freaking street from the behind-schedule project that he claimed he couldn't work on because he had to go to church.

Witness reports state that VP fired John on the spot and told him to be at the office first thing Monday morning to turn in all of his effects. The funny part was that John was totally indignant that he was fired from his job - he claims that the only reason he was fired was because he wouldn't work on Sunday. But unless he can provide proof that there is an altar built on top of The Pub, I don't think he has a leg to stand on with that argument.

How in the hell he figured no one would notice him working over there right across the street is beyond me, but it proves my theory correct:

If you're gonna be dumb, you've gotta be tough.