So, you want to know how my day was?

A short summary of my day today:

2:30 AM Like clockwork, just like he has for the last two weeks, Monkey Man starts coughing. Stagger upstairs, make him drink water in a semi-conscious state, and come back to bed.
2:41 AM Joey rubs his arm which is covered in poison ivy all over my left arm.
2:42 AM Think about washing off left arm. Decide I’m too tired to get up.
2:43 AM Start wondering if my arm is itching.
2:44 AM Nope, wrong arm.
Now, repeat this until around 4:20 when I finally get back to sleep…
5:20 AM Alarm goes off. Dog realizes that today is doggy daycare day so he parks his ass right under my side of the bed and proceeds to follow me all over the house with the hopes that I won’t forget to take him. Not likely considering he’s halfway up my ass.
6:20 AM Wake up Monkey Man. He wants to wear a “handsome shirt” (basically a collared polo shirt that he will refuse to wear anytime I want him to wear one) and has a virtual meltdown when I can’t find one. Finally locate one squished in the back of the drawer and he is happy.
6:45 AM Drag dog, kid, briefcase, papers, plans, husband across front yard, leap across drainage ditch, and load everyone up in their respective vehicles. Driveway is unusable for the next week at least and the novelty has already worn thin.
7:30 AM Drop dog off at doggy daycare in torrential rainstorm. Realize that umbrella is in trunk as I attempt to wrestle smelly wet corgi ass out of the car.
7:35 AM Have 10-minute phone call with friend and recount horrible stupid things I said to another friend yesterday. Laugh at my stupidity until I pee a little bit.
7:45 AM Realize that Eeyore is glaring at me from the lobby window. Sludge through rain carrying laptop (with case that won’t close), Starbucks, purse, paperwork, roll of plans, and aforementioned umbrella that has suddenly decided to stop working.
7:50 AM Enter kitchen to fix English muffin (because I have skillz). Realize that someone has eaten not only the last whole grain one, but all the f*cking peanut butter too. Consider licking the inside of the peanut butter jar and decide that might mess up my already nappy looking hair.
7:52 AM Broomhilda, who is totally obsessed with news in general, tirades me and anyone else within a 50-mile radius about the foiled terror attacks today and laments the fact that no one is allowed to fly with hair gel. Not that she’s planning on going anywhere, just the inconvenience to people who will have to actually buy hair gel at their destination. Rolling eyes, I return to my desk.
8:10 AM Receive phone call from SG whose company is pouring our concrete driveway next week. Joey has decided to bump the driveway further out by 18” so there may be an additional cost. Clutch stomach and reach for bottle of Tums.
8:15 AM Hear Broomhilda’s umpteenth recitation of all the items banned from airplanes today. Wish I had some hair gel that I could attempt to suffocate her with.
8:17 AM Call Broomhilda’s supervisor and ask her to rein in her beast since she’s disrupting the entire hallway between the running commentary and running/wadding up and down the hall over and over trying to watch TV instead of doing her job.
8:24 AM Receive phone call from asshole subcontractor on project I’m doing at my alma mater. Where is their approved color sample? Realize that we sent it to the asshole three months ago and he’s just using it as an excuse for why he hasn’t shown up all week.
8:40 AM Intern has problems with plan copier. I end up practically doing CPR on the thing while a group of subcontractor estimators in the plan room are ogling me while I’m doing contortions in a very short skirt. Make mental note to self to keep emergency pants in office for just such an occasion.
8:49 AM Eeyore plops down about five hours worth of work for me to do. Oh, and by the way, did I set up that scheduling class for him to teach tomorrow? Pop a few more Tums and quickly assemble a meeting room, projector, and IT guy to help us get it all working properly. E-mail project managers to see if anyone else wants to come. Pray.

Then things got a little quieter. I got some work done. Did some billings. Wrote a few subcontracts. Had a lovely lunch. I should have known it was too good to be true.

4:10 PM Eeyore returns from quarterly meeting with Big Boss. Calls me and Chachi into his office and proceeds to ream Chachi out for not entering some subcontracts into the accounting system. This is a very big deal because without accurate job costs, we can be majorly screwed.
4:17 PM Eeyore finishes the chewing out of Chachi and asks him what he has to say for himself. “Dude, I didn’t realize we had to actually enter anything in the system.” “Dude,” I reply, “what, did you think the freaking Accounting Fairy did it?”
4:20 PM We are given until Tuesday morning to audit the entire project and make sure the costs are correct. And by “we,” I know it means ME. Long for the taste of Tums in my mouth.
4:21 PM Beckoned into other PM’s office. He has accounting problems too – problem is, he does all of his own accounting stuff because he doesn’t trust anyone else. Now he wants me to fix it.
4:22 PM I laugh in his face.
4:23 PM Receive phone call from Cat Door M that he has priced replacing my countertops and for a low, low price of what it would cost to buy a small car he can do the counters of my dreams. For that price, they better be cooking dinner, cleaning up, and then performing huge favors in the boudoir. Realize that Joey’s attempt to escape from painting our kitchen by replacing the countertops may just have bitten him right in the ass.
4:41 PM Receive call from Joey that his electrician friend has quoted him a price on our very own generator so we will never be without electricity again. Wonder what the next wacky thing will be that he comes up with and when he’ll be building a bunker in our backyard. Muse how to talk him out of spending money that should be spent on things like solid gold countertops and large pieces of David Yurman bling.
4:45 PM I shut down my laptop and get the hell out of Dodge.

I am beat. Yeah, I ran two miles tonight and then did weights and some Pilates, but I am one tired mullyhumper. This has been one hell of a week and I am praying that this weekend maybe I can catch up on some sleep as well as just get some good vegetation time. And a bike ride.

And what is it about being around someone that has poison ivy that makes you itchy? Yet another mystery of the universe.