A pinch of this, a dash of that

Damn you, Cheesecake Factory

One of Joey’s suppliers brought him an entire cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory last week for his birthday. Is it wrong for me to say that the next time I see this guy I’m going to knee him in the balls? I’ve been able to hold off from eating more than 2 pieces since it showed up here last Friday, but that box mocks me every time I open the fridge door. Some kind of white chocolate latte cheesecake thing that is just awesome. And I don’t even like the taste of coffee. Dammit. Just one more thing to make my ass even bigger.

*****

Off with her head

Today I decided that since I haven’t been very busy this week, I’d do a quick insurance audit for the umpteen gazillion projects that I have going on right now. Basically what I do is make sure that 1.) our skankass subcontractors actually have liability insurance, and 2.) check the limits that they provide and that the language is okay. Then the data is entered into our accounting system and then triggers our A/P department that it's okay to pay aforementioned skankasses.

I started out ripping through the first job. The second job took a little longer – I kept finding little errors in our accounting system where the shit gets entered. And then I started pulling files and finding that stuff hadn’t been entered at all in some cases, or was entered incorrectly.

Intern has been in charge of this all summer. She started off totally gangbusters, but then started slacking off and doing things like reading at her desk or playing games on the computer instead of working. Eeyore had a little chat with her a few weeks ago and I figured things had gotten better, but now I’m realizing that she’s been majorly screwing this stuff up and it’s going to take me at least a week to go through everything and make sure we’re not at serious risk due to an uninsured subcontractor.

Thank God – only 10 more days until we ship her ass back to college. If I don’t kill her first.

*****

Milkshakes or crack? Sometimes they’re one and the same

Monkey Man’s class is studying farming this week. Or, to be more accurate, the weekly theme is “E-I-E-I-O”. Yes, people, this is why we’re paying the big bucks for this fancy preschool.

They typically get a morning and afternoon snack of typical toddler fare like goldfish crackers and juice – but yesterday, in homage to Farmer Brown, they made “cowshakes” and pigs in a blanket. This was an enormous hit with Monkey Man, who rambled on and on about it for the entire evening.

Well, they must’ve put crack in those freaking milkshakes because I practically had to peel the kid off the ceiling last night. He had his little Spider Man punching-bag thingy in a death match on the family room floor and I thought he looked somewhat like one of my favorite boxers, Butterbean, as he unleashed a flurry of punches on an unsuspecting Spider Man. Finally I had enough of this and asked him to sit on the couch and chill out for a few seconds. The next thing that I knew, he was almost visibly twitching from all the sugar he’d ingested. So needless to say, he was less than charming last night and I was not in the mood for wrangling a kid hopped up on Hershey’s syrup.

Tonight, I picked him up from school and he was unusually subdued. I asked him what was wrong, and with the most gravely serious look on his face, he said, “Mommy, I hope that we can have a better night than last night, because you were really crabby.”

Um, okay. Crabbiness noted. Just don’t ask me for a milkshake, punk.

*****

So this is what you do all day when you appear to be working

On heavy iPod rotation lately both at work and when I work out:

“Crazy Bitch” – Buckcherry (holy shit I love that song!)
“My Way Down” and “Big Legged Woman” from The Chris Duarte Group (some good down & dirty Texas rock that I dug back out of the rack downstairs)
“Snap Crackle & Pop” and “Bone it Like you Own It” by Denise LaSalle (blues that will even make a man blush like a little girl)
“The Way you Move” by Outkast (I love how he says “big girls need love too”)
“Sweet Goddess of Love and Beer” by Popa Chubby (Love, love him - favorite CD is "Booty and the Beast")
“S.F.C.” by Silvertide (heard on XM and had to have it)
“Animal I Have Become” by Three Days Grace (I love crunchy guitar and would eat this song if I could)

And looking at how many times I’ve listened to songs since I got my iPod for my birthday in December, “Photograph” and “Foolin” by Def Leppard are tied at 69 plays a piece, while “Brick House” by Earth, Wind and Fire wins with 102 plays. Hmm. Interesting. I would have put my money on Def Leppard, but old school wins every time.

*****

A final note

Can I just say – college football season is almost upon us – and there are only EIGHT HOME GAMES this year that Joey will disappear for?

I am seriously doing the happy dance. For once, the scheduling gods are smiling on me and perhaps I won’t have to be bitchy for four solid months. Joey is rejoicing.