She deserves a huge raise

Just to give a little bit of background before I launch into this saga – one of the funniest things about Joey is that he looks much older than he really is. I chalk it up to the fact that he’s going bald, he has a lot of laugh-lines around his eyes, and he acts pretty mature for his age. Of course, one of my friends the other day told me that you can really tell Joey’s true age when he’s had a few drinks, because he actually relaxes (which can be a somewhat foreign concept for him). We’ve had a few funny stories over the years of people mistaking him for someone much older than he really is, but he is 36 just like I am.

After our descent into White Trashdom the other weekend, we jumped in the Tahoe and drove around the neighborhood looking at driveways. Yep, some exciting times at Builder Mama Headquarters. We’re supposed to have our driveway done in concrete sometime in the next month or so, and we are trying to figure out how to terminate the concrete around the drainage pipe that runs underneath our driveway. Normal people wouldn’t care, but we construction people tend to be a wee bit obsessive over stupid shit like that. It’s one of our more endearing traits.

We rolled back in the driveway around 8:15 and as we were walking in the house, the phone was ringing. It was Joey’s former assistant, L – she and her family live in our neighborhood but were getting ready to move to California because her husband had been transferred. The happy newlyweds, Joey’s assistant G and her husband S, were hanging out at L’s house showing off their wedding photos and they wanted to know if it would be okay to come by.

Thirty minutes later, L, S, G, and L’s daughter N showed up at our house bearing wine and photos. We really weren’t expecting them to come setup camp at our house, but we kind of shrugged our shoulders, broke out the wine glasses, and headed downstairs to the rec room. Apparently, they had already been drinking wine at L’s house for some time so they had a huge head start on a buzz before they even got to our house.

Honestly, the whole vibe was completely weird. I think that S and N really wanted to just come and play pool, L wanted to watch one of the Star Wars movies on our new TV, and G wanted to show off the honeymoon pictures. Really, the only person who seemed even remotely interested in interacting with us was G – and I think it’s only because she felt obligated to show the pictures from the honeymoon.

As the night went on, L cornered me over on the couch and started asking me about our plans to have another baby…normally this isn’t a subject that I would discuss with anyone but my closest friends (or you, Internet), but I played along out of politeness….

L: You know, Liz, you really ought to have another baby. NOW.

Me: Well, we’ve talked about it but I really don’t know what we’re going to do.

L: I mean, look at Monkey Man. He is perfect. So you must have another. NOW.

Me: Well, he is very happy and a really great kid…

L: You must have more than one child. One just isn’t enough.

Me: I figure I’ll be turning 37 this year, so I need to make a decision fairly quickly about what we’re going to do about having another baby.

L: I’m sorry? How old did you say?

Me: 37. I’ll be 37 in December.

L: Oooooh. But are you sure? You don’t look that old. G, come over here – how old do you think Liz is?

G: 27, maybe 28. I would say 28, tops.

Me: (with a shit-eating grin) So, how old do you think Joey is?

G: About 45.

After I finished laughing until I wet my pants, I told them what Joey’s real age is. And what my real age is. G totally couldn’t believe it. And neither could I – yeah, I look pretty good for 36 but mostly because I stay out of the sun and try and take care of myself. But I sure as hell don’t look 28…well, maybe to someone who is half-drunk I do, but I'll take a compliment wherever I can get it.

After we finally scraped them out of the house, I collapsed in the chair with one last glass of wine.

Joey: You look like you had a good time tonight.

Me: Hell yeah, it’s not every day someone tells me that I look 28. It’s always a good day when someone does that instead of asking you if you want the senior citizen discount. And you know what, honey?

Joey: What?

Me: G is a smart girl. She deserves a raise. A big one.