Oh yes, you knew it was coming – another e-mail update from my sister-in-law. They visited my parents about three weeks ago and didn’t even breathe a word of their booming salsa business, so I was eager to see what was going on with their latest venture.
It seems as though they’re moving on to other things. She has come up with a scheme that I am hoping falls through, because it just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
As a little background, she has been working on her PhD for what seems like ten years at this point. And it’s not with a real university – it’s from some crackerjack mail-order religious “university” run out of the Florida Everglades. Every time anyone asks her about it, she has changed her thesis or has some lame-ass excuse about why she hasn’t finished her thesis yet. Now keep in mind – she does NOTHING other than work on her PhD. So why is it taking so long?
Perhaps it’s her thesis. Last time I heard her talk about it, it’s about Attention Deficit Disorder and the Bible…she told me that she wants to prove that King David had ADD. At one point, she was lamenting to my parents that she had wanted to get some monkeys to do research with, but apparently you have to have some kind of permit to do that and thank God she wasn’t given permission to get any monkeys. Although I think the monkeys would’ve been the smartest beings in this entire scenario.
Anyhow…the latest e-mail (slightly edited for spelling but other than that, just as she wrote it):
“We just returned from a three day conference on understanding your destiny. The gentleman who ran the conference work with Fortune 500 CEO's. We learned alot. P is still waiting to hear how he did on the Deputy's test. We are TRULY enjoying our time together. I did not care for the city of Long Island. Far toooooooooooooooooooo expensive. We ate at Wendy's alot and the hotel was nasty. For over 100.00 a night I am hoping to be able to use it as a business write off. Time will tell. Being with Christians who agree that we all need to be out in the workplace is very refreshing. P and I are certainly willing to go to work. It is funny to be in such limbo. P's retirement check has been delayed due to some clerical snafu. Hopefully it will be better before the month of May is over. We are going to Toronto with the dogs to stay in a campgrounds and visit a conference center we visited almost 10 years ago. P and I will be writing and researching. I am sure there is something to this ADD research. I am believing as is Paul that this month I will generate a letter to the local school districts both Christian and Public and offer my services to train up teachers who deal with ADD kids. P and I have been combing the area and found most speakers only have an M. Ed and are qualified. I cannot continue the doctorate until I go back to work to pay the tuition. It is exciting though.”
I don’t know what scares me more…the fact that someone would actually hire her to train teachers about working with ADD students…or that she hasn’t actually been tested for ADD herself. Did any of that e-mail make a logical progression? And you should’ve seen the spelling – for a former teacher, she has the worst spelling EVER. It gives me a headache just reading it.
So I guess this means we won’t be calling her Dr. anytime soon. Although the thought of ever calling her that with a straight face makes me a little queasy. I figure at this rate, Monkey Man will have his doctorate before she does, and she has a ten-year head start.