Planes, trains and automobiles

So I have returned from the big city of Boston. It was a great weekend but damn was I glad to get home to Joey and Monkey Man and even that dog of ours that smells a little less like ass since he got a bath on Thursday.

I hadn’t been to Boston since I was probably 9 or 10 years old and went with my parents – and honestly, I don’t remember why we went or anything about our trip, so I was anxious to see what the city was really like.

Thursday afternoon, Eeyore booted me out of the office at 2:30 so that I wouldn’t miss my flight. I grabbed a snack at the airport and a few trashy magazines and jumped on the plane. The plane was full but I settled into my window seat and a married man sat down with me…his wife was sitting in the row in front of us and kept turning around and giving me dirty looks throughout the flight. I was pretty irritated because in my opinion it was totally juvenile – if she wanted to sit with her husband, all they had to do was ask and I would’ve been more than happy to swap seats with her. But no one asked, and instead I got the big hairy eyeball the whole time. Bitch. Between that and finding out that my friend E. wasn’t going to be able to come at the last minute since she had a tooth virtually exploding in her mouth and the dentist wouldn’t let her on the plane, I was starting to think maybe the trip was jinxed.

We landed in Boston and since I flew with only carry-ons, I immediately escaped the glory of the airport and found two of my partners in crime, M and C waiting for me at the curb. M lives outside of Boston and C had just arrived in another terminal – so we threw my junk in the trunk and took off for dinner in the city.

We went to this fabulous little restaurant called Bomboa – if you are ever in Boston, make sure you go there because it was truly exceptional and a great value as well. Not to mention they had the best freaking cocktail I’ve ever had called a Southern Lemonade – very different from a Lynchburg Lemonade in the fact that it was just bourbon, lemon juice, and sugar. Period. I sucked down about two of those things in 15 minutes and by the time dinner came I was immediately transformed into a babbling mess, I’m sure. Dinner was delicious and we enjoyed catching up on what had been going on in our lives. After dinner, we took a quick car tour through the city while waiting for the next two arrivals of S and G at the airport, and once we picked them up we headed back to M’s house to spend the night. Between the booze, homemade cookies, and ice cream sundaes, we stuffed ourselves again and sat in her dining room and just laughed and laughed. I tell you, that much fun should be illegal in at least 48 states. Finally around 2:15 AM we decided to call it a night, but G and I ended up being bunkmates in the attic room and ended up giggling like little kids until almost 3 AM.

Friday morning arrived way too early – apparently M’s neighbor has a puppy or some kind of yippy dog that she knows nothing about, but it woke at least two of us up and I stumbled downstairs to go to the bathroom and look for a gun to solve the yippy dog problem and then promptly crashed back into Snoozeville until almost 9:15. I can’t remember the last time I slept that late, if ever. Everyone got ready, but of course since it takes me FOREVER to get ready, I shooed everyone out to do a little shopping without me so I could finish getting ready and not hold the party up when it was time to head into the city. The cab showed up around 11:30 and we went on to the hotel and were allowed to check in to one of the rooms. One of the other girls, L, who also lives in the area came around the same time and then K, T, and S2 showed up shortly later. At that point, we headed out to a nail salon and got a little pampering for ourselves and while we were getting prettied up, the last member M2 came to meet us. We walked around a little bit and did some shopping, and then headed back to the hotel to chill out for a little bit before we took the bus over to The Border Café for some Tex-Mex action and margaritas! It was pretty wild there since it was Cinco de Mayo, but the food was good and the service was pretty good considering how freaking busy they were.

We took the bus back to the hotel, put on our swimsuits and headed down to the pool and hot tub where we spent about an hour or so. Then everyone adjourned to one of the rooms where we celebrated S’s birthday (and also S2 and C who had birthdays earlier in the month) with a big old penis cake that M had ordered. Hilarity ensued with lots of posing with the big chocolate penis…okay, maybe I did most of the posing but anyway, pictures were taken and it was hysterical. By the end of the night, all of the liquor was gone and there were some very amusing conversations going on through the night that I’ll have to discuss later…but I ended up getting a bad headache (and some not so good tummy issues thanks to having Mexican food twice that day…I had terrible stomach issues the entire trip and the worst case of gas coming out of both ends that you can imagine) and turned in around 1:15 AM. Or at least I thought I was turning in for the night when…

G – who is a gorgeous, six-foot tall former model, came running into our room, did a flying leap and landed on top of me in the bed and started trying to hump me. If I hadn’t been so flattered, I would’ve been pissed that she woke me up, but hey – it’s not every day you get dry-humped by a model, right? (Love ya, G!)

Saturday was pretty tame – everyone was feeling pretty icky after the previous night, so we did some walking around, went to Faneuil Hall, Filene’s Basement (where I got the most adorable handbag EVER), rode the train, and then some of us went back to the hotel early so we could rest up. Dinner was at the Laurel Grill & Bar – another great Boston restaurant, definitely go there if you can because the food is fabulous and they have a great open kitchen concept (and the chefs ain’t so bad looking, either – great eye candy while you wait for your dinner!). The price was so reasonable too – I got out of there for $40 and had soup, beef tenderloin with asparagus and potatoes, and dessert. We went back to the hotel and hung out until around midnight when the group broke up and I went to bed. Notice how I left out any mention of alcohol on Saturday? Yeah, even I was feeling kind of green on Saturday morning so I vowed not to be hung over for my flight on Sunday – so I decided to forgo any cocktails. Probably a smart idea on my part considering my seat-mate on the return flight.

We all went our separate ways this morning – and upon getting into the airport and trying to buy some last-minute souvenirs, I discovered that I had lost my debit card somewhere (I know where now – I left it in the damn ATM when I was getting cash this morning) so I spent part of my wait on the phone with my bank canceling the card, verifying where it was last used, and ordering a new card. Ugh – stupid, stupid, stupid. Anyhow, we boarded on time and I had the pleasure of sitting next to a very smelly old man who farted the entire time and read the New York Times from cover to cover. Plus the air conditioning on the plane wasn’t working so hot so I was feeling pretty rank by the time we arrived at our airport. I smelled like one big fart.

So I’m home – gifts have been distributed, hugs all around, and we had pizza and freshly baked cookies for dinner. I love these trips every year because it’s so rejuvenating to just have fun and cut loose, but I was so glad to get home to my three boys that I can barely stand it. Girl time is fun, but there’s only so much burping, farting, and humping that a girl can stand. Hell, I can get that at home.

Just kidding – I was responsible for everything but the humping part.