Boston confidential

Conversations overheard this weekend...

*****

(On the phone) "Yeah Mom, the penis cake turned out really great. And it was delicious too. I think I’m going to get you one for Mother’s Day, okay?"

*****

"Boston must be the city of constipation."

"What do you mean?"

"I haven’t been able to poop since we’ve been here."

"Oh no, not me. I even went at Au Bon Pain this morning."

*****

"You know what’s so strange? The more conservatively I dress, the more turned on my husband is. It’s like he sees me with my pearls on and he’s coming up behind me at the dishwasher and trying to hump me."

*****

"So, did you ever figure out why your boobs were sore?"

"I’m pregnant."

"Huh?"

*****

"I really wish you guys could see me without my pants on. I have two asses. You pull down my pants, and I have my regular ass, and then below that I have a second ass."

*****

"Oh girl, you definitely need to get a vibrator!"

"I don’t know, I’m just afraid that if I get one then my husband is going to feel like he’s not good enough, you know?"

"Oh, it doesn’t replace your husband, it just helps take the edge off, know what I mean?"

"Yeah, it’s like this…let’s say you’re hungry - if you want filet mignon, you go to your husband to take care of things. If you just want a good, greasy burger to take the edge off your hunger, you use a vibrator."