I wish I could say that this is one of my funnier posts – but if you’re looking for something funny and light, you’ve picked the wrong damn day to look here. Scroll on down and you’ll find all kinds of chortling goodness, okay?
This has been a really horrible week for me professionally. I may get dooced if anyone finds out I wrote about this, but hell - at least I'll get unemployment, right? Anyhow, I had my annual performance review on Monday and received some very unpleasant news.
I have been angling for over three years now to receive a change in job status. The money wouldn’t be any better than what I currently make, but it’s a respect thing for me and a desire to do more than just push papers around my desk. I have 13 years of construction experience. I have done just about everything you can do without the benefit of an engineering degree or a construction management degree. And these degrees are NOT prerequisites for this position. However, I have come to believe that having a penis is a definite prequalification because they have NEVER hired a woman or promoted a woman to this position. They only hire young guys right out of college and provide them with all the training necessary to do the job and then move up the ladder.
The Vice President sat in on my review and when the possibility of advancement came up, he said something to me that totally crossed the line professionally, personally, and legally. I have never felt more hurt or betrayed at that moment and even today, three days later, it brings tears to my eyes to think about all the thousands of hours I have given to the company only to be made to feel like a worthless piece of shit because I’m not a man. It's hard enough being a woman in this business, and just when I think I've finally proven myself, some asshat like the Vice President manages to plant his foot squarely in my stomach and push me back down.
So, I’m at a bit of a crossroads. I could stay, use the six-month window he offered me to try to prove him wrong and bust my ass until I get that job (or not, because he said there were no guarantees that I would ever get the job). I could stay doing what I’m doing and coast along, quit working all the overtime, and just collect the paycheck – but that is totally against the grain of my personality. Or, I could start looking for another job. Which is probably the smart thing to do, seeing as how I’m pretty much screwed here no matter what I do.
I know one thing - Friday afternoon, I’m headed over to the nearest Priscilla’s and buying the biggest strap-on dick they have in stock. And then I’m going to hang it on my office wall and break it out and use it as needed. They never said it had to be real, so I’m going to exploit that loophole for all it’s worth.
"Um, yes - I'll take that extra-large one, right there in the corner. Do you have anything larger in stock? No, I don't need any lube to go with it, but do you gift wrap?"