Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Packing it in

Tonight I managed to get Joey to relieve me from parental duties at football practice so I could come home and attempt to pack. Our flight leaves at some ungodly hour on Thursday so everything possible needs to be packed by tomorrow night save for our toothbrushes and maybe my makeup bag.

The last time I went to Abilene was in October of 2001. I was hugely pregnant and less than enthused about traveling in an airplane after 9/11, but we had already bought the tickets and I figured if my number was up...well, you know the rest. We got to the airport and of course, I got picked for a random luggage search. I stood there, huge as a house in a very unflattering jumper, while a lady slowly unpacked my entire ginormous suitcase one item at a time. It was almost a shame I didn't have some huge dildo in there or something for her to find. Then she unceremoniously stuffed it all back in the suitcase and handed it back to me.

I was less than enthused. Seriously, does a 7-1/2 month pregnant woman look like a terrorist?

Don't answer that.

So we got to Dallas and discovered that some douchebag had picked up my small black suitcase off the baggage claim carousel. It contained all of my makeup, shampoo, prenatal vitamins, and of course the $500 heart monitor that my cardiologist required me to wear since I'd been having some heart issues during my pregnancy. I think it was three days later - or the day before we headed back to Dallas - when the damn suitcase finally showed up.

Anyhow, once we got to Abilene we found my parents and discovered that they, too, had been picked for a random luggage search.

But they got upgraded to first class. You know, because they felt "so guilty" about picking on a few old people. They got fucking lobster and champagne, people.

I got a bag of pretzels and half of a Coke. Warm. In coach.

Anyhow, I'm hoping that this time - knock on wood - I will not be searched, we will not have our luggage taken, and that we will finally conquer the bad luck that has haunted almost every trip we've been on since we got married.

I've always teased Joey that I traveled all over the world with nary a problem. Then I married him and it became a whirlwind of travel disasters starting with our honeymoon. Lost luggage, the hotel had us booked for the wrong week, and he got the flu the day before we had to fly home, leaving me to carry his ass and 13 suitcases through the Bahamian airport. Good times, good times.

I think that might've been the worst time, although we did have one disastrous trip - I can't even remember where we were going - where flights kept getting cancelled and we ended up stuck somewhere like Cincinnati overnight. That was fun.

Oh, and there was the trip to Nashville where I was probably 12 weeks pregnant and ended up throwing up all over myself in the plane due to turbulence. Then promptly ran into people I knew in the hotel lobby as I was caked with vomit.

Gosh, I could go on and on. All I have to say is that our luck has got to change at some point, hopefully starting now.


MamaMaven said...

Note to self, don't travel with Liz! It is apparently not the train's fault, it is you. May the Texas trip be blessedly search-free!

Gretchen said...

Here's hoping to an uneventful trip!

g-man said...

Makes me just want to go on a trip with you.