Saturday, December 29, 2007

How tender are your vittles?

It's been a whirlwind couple of days, and we're just getting started.

Christmas was so relaxing. The day after wasn't bad either (except for the mouse poop part). And now, I'm in full-press party panic.

Let's go back to Thursday. My friend Jen, who is one of the Badasses, had volunteered to take Monkey Man for two days (plus overnight!) so that Joey and I could return to work. She already has three active boys so I was kind of hesitant to take her up on the offer. In other words, I thought she was clearly insane. But she insisted, telling me that really when it gets above two kids it's all about crowd control and the boys would have a great time.

Monkey Man and I met Jen's crew up at Starbucks at 7:30 AM. The boys were off the hook, Jen admitted that their well wasn't working so they had no water (and I still think she's insane for even thinking about taking my kid on at that point) but they had a full, fun day planned. Allrighty then. So I loaded MM and his crap up in her car, bent over to kiss him goodbye and tell him that I love him, and he looked at me and said, "Mom, you're embarrassing me." Oops. Sorry, didn't want to make you look like you're, um, SIX YEARS OLD.

And off to work I went. The last two days have probably been the least productive ever, mostly because I literally have almost nothing to do. EPOD has been staying out at the Headquarters job because it's a disaster of epic proportions and therefore isn't generating a thing for me to do. I worked on the invoice for December yesterday but other than that, I shuffed anything else off to Doug the Intern who also ended up running out of things to do by yesterday after lunch. And most of my peeps were off this week, so it was deadly quiet. I think maybe 15 people worked yesterday in the office, and most of them disappeared after lunch.

Speaking of lunch, yesterday was my first visit to the new laser center. Remember how I was doing the laser hair removal with Celeste, The Skin Goddess? Well apparently the state laws changed and since they don't have a physician on their staff they were forced to discontinue giving treatments. They did hook me up with some fancy place about 10 minutes from my office, so I went on over there yesterday. I had been getting this huge discount with Celeste since I was one of her guinea pigs, and ended up negotiating a price that was only $25 more than what I was paying her per treatment as long as I paid for three treatments up front. Overall, I was very impressed with the center and the treatment was a lot faster than when Celeste did it - let's put it to you this way, when you have someone doing something that feels like having a rubber band flicked at your tender vittles over and over again, would you rather it go quickly or take your sweet ol' time? I know Celeste was learning, but the way this technician did it I felt like she really knew what she was doing and the treatment only took 15 minutes versus 45 minutes. It hurt like hell during the treatment, but the after-effects were not nearly as bad this time and I could SEE the burned hair follicles like I never had before, so I'm hoping that two more treatments will do the trick.

Um, okay, back to Thursday. Since we had a babysitter and all, we decided to go out to Morton's for our anniversary. We had a $125 gift card that someone had given Joey for Christmas so we were practically giddy with joy. And then, what my friend Mer calls "The Morton's Surprise" came...the check. I think the gift card paid for the bottle of wine we bought to "save money" instead of buying martinis or wine by the glass. Oops. But the entertaining part of the evening came when these two older guys came - obviously one was trying to get the other guy to give him some business, so half of the time he spent on the phone with some young lovelies trying to pimp them out to the other guy. Niiice. Joey and I snickered through most of our dinner, it was pretty hysterical comedy material because the guy was saying things like "Oh, wait until my wife goes out of town again and then you and I can hook up." Classy. He must be a fairly regular customer in there anyway, because the staff was falling all over each other trying to suck up to him.

Yesterday afternoon, I picked up Monkey Man from The Amazing Jen With The Patience of A Saint around 5 PM. They'd had pillow fights, played war in their yard, ate pancakes, he ate enough chicken nuggets to feed a medium-sized country, played Wii, watched movies, had sword fights, went to see "The Waterhorse", and MM was so exhausted that I had to pour him into the car. He was fast asleep within two minutes. And, by the way, Jen had gotten her water back by lunchtime on Thursday, so not only did I get a clean boy back home, but she had washed up all of his clothes too. I got her an AMEX gift card and made her promise to do something totally ridiculous for herself with it, so hopefully she will!

We did a Costco run, got MM a television to put in his room so that we can move the Wii in there so that his buddies don't end up destroying our guest room, picked up some party incidentals, ate dinner and came home. Then we spent the next hour rearranging his room. You know those high/low dressers that you buy hoping to use them for a changing station/dresser? Well, those are PERFECT for putting TV's on. So we juggled all that around, put some of the more babyish toys up in the attic, and tidied up the playroom in preparation for it to be obliterated on Monday night. We have 12 kids coming. Yikes.

Today will be me acting like a maniac and trying to get as much done as I can - this would be grocery shopping, liquor buying, cleaning, straightening, etc. Tomorrow, Joey is going to the Redskins/Cowboys game - something he's wanted to do his whole life and finally gets to do. So as much as I'm not looking forward to doing party prep alone (or without my main Monkey Man wrangler), he is so freaking excited that I just have to smile. Not to mention that today he is taking Monkey Man to Jerry's house.

Who is Jerry? Well, he works for Joey. He also happens to raise all kinds of exotic reptiles. He's been dying to show them off to Joey and MM for months now, so I told Joey that today would be a great day for them to go. MM has been asking for a lizard of some form, but has never actually held one or anything so this will be an exploratory mission. Although I've already stated that if they bring something like that home I will not name it, feed it, clean up after it, or love it. Period. Blech. I already have one hairy worthless animal to take care of, who needs more? Not me.

So that about wraps it up. There's been a little work drama, but that's another post for another time. I figured the tender vittles was probably enough for y'all for today.

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