Wednesday, September 19, 2007


The whole left side of my face is numb. Like to the point when I smile, it looks like kind of a ying-yang thing going on.

Today was my second round of being drilled. By the dentist, you pervs. Eight cavities this time.

Honestly, compared to last time I feel a whole lot better. Of course, last time the stupid hygienist numbed the WRONG side of my mouth and by the time Dr. Greg did the first shot of novacaine, I was a goner. Seriously, the pain was intense just from the freaking shot. This time, at least she got the right freaking side (as in the left side) and even though the shots hurt it wasn't so bad that it made me want to rip her in half with my bare hands.

I had kind of planned ahead that I probably wouldn't really feel up to going back to work, so rather conveniently I packed up my laptop and stashed it in the car - you know, just in case. What I didn't have to do was fake being gnarly enough not to go back to work - I could barely string a sentence together when I called the Almighty EPOD and I was so damn pathetic he couldn't stop laughing. I'm not sure if he was laughing out of pity or malice, but I'll just assume pity since I sounded like I'd had two fifths for breakfast.

So here I sit at home - watching The Hills (I still can't figure out why I continue to watch this show), had a little snooze, gummed down some lunch and a smoothie, and will probably wait until the last split second to go pick Monkey Man up so we can go get some dinner somewhere. Hopefully some place with a blender so I can get a hamburgershake or something like that.

Anyway, yesterday I had kind of an interesting experience. I had this bee in my bonnet this week to go find some cute/naughty little items so that perhaps my husband would actually attempt to put the moves on me since all the other little hints I've been dropping for the past two weeks weren't working so hot.

The city we live in has your typical chain like Priscilla's - and honestly, Priscilla's is okay if you're going in there for something cheap or...well, let's put it to you this way, the last time I was in there they had a sign on the wall that proclaimed RUBBER CLOTHING IS NOT RETURNABLE. So obviously you're dealing with a whole different type of vibe there than what I was looking for.

So I went to this little boutique place that's not far from my office - it's actually a teeny little place but jam-packed with all kinds of sexy little numbers not to mention some, um, toys. I bypassed the toys and headed straight for the racks, when the owner came over to help me out.
I'd met the lady years ago when I was there buying, um, toys for a bachelorette party. She was hilarious, and she was just as funny yesterday. I picked out a pretty tasteful little number and as she was ringing me up, she grabbed my face in both hands and said, "DAHLING, you MUST come back and let me fit you for something. I will change your LIFE!" It was all I could do to keep a straight face, she was so adamant that I must come back. I think I'm going to have to, if for nothing more than entertainment value. Not to mention they had this really hot purple bustier thing that I was drooling over.

The last time I was in there, she was telling me that apparently our very conservative city has quite the undercurrent of serious pervs. At that time I was pretty naive to the whole thing and was pretty shocked to hear this story she told. At opening time on a Wednesday, this very nicely-dressed man came in the store and handed her a sealed envelope marked "To The Owner of XYZ Store Only". She opened it to find this note:

"Dear Owner, Please assist my Sissy in finding a wonderful set of panties for him to wear. He must wear them out of the store, and they must be black with red trim. Thank you, Mistress D."

Holy shit, I thought, there are people like that who actually live here? HERE? Oh, yes, she said. "This city is chock full of freaks, baby. Chock full." Well, who knew?

So anyhow, no Sissy in this house but my little number worked. Meow. I will definitely be back for more.

Off to dope up with Tylenol. Have a good one, y'all.

1 comment:

Tree said...

First, I can 100% identify with the dental pain. I have had a crown, a bridge and an implant this year alone. It's rather embarassing, really.

Second, I do believe there are sexually liberal people everywhere! and some of them are people you know and respect.