Monday, July 23, 2007

A tale of rabid animals and slippery feet

I would say that the Big Badass Weekend was an unequivocal hit.

I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long time.

The highlights of the trip...

Within our first hour there, seeing my ex-boyfriend that I moved to this city to be with walk into the resort restaurant with some woman. It was painfully obvious that he saw me and I saw him, and we didn't speak. That guy was a freakazoid. Then we ran into him all weekend long every place we went. The only comfort I had was knowing that every time he took that woman back to her room, he was probably making her be his dirty little bitch. Ahem.

Talking about everything, and I mean everything under the sun.


Going to the spa and being pampered like nobody's business. It was just wrong in so many ways that I don't even know where to start.

A little retail therapy.

LOTS of liquor.

Really good food.

No cell phone coverage except in a few select locations.

And perhaps, the funniest story I've been part of in a long time.

After finishing up at the spa, we had to walk down this long flight of stairs (outdoors) to get to the parking lot. The stupid place is on a mountain so you are climbing pretty much the entire weekend. All the other girls were in front of me, and I was slowly bringing up the rear since my feet were slippery as hell from massage oil and I was wearing these blasted flip-flops that Heather bought all of us as a fun gift. Yeah, not so fun when you almost bust your ass.

So we're tromping on down to the parking lot, when suddenly the front two girls start screaming, turn around and start running up the stairs. Then the other two do the same thing, leaving me in the dust.

And what is it making them scream?

The biggest goddamn groundhog I have ever seen, hauling ass up the steps in hot pursuit of us. So I proceeded to turn around and haul ass up the steps just a few steps in front of him. Envision, if you will, five grown-ass women screaming and running back up the steps into the spa away from the large, threatening, menacing...groundhog.

I suspect that he was probably headed up to the front door of the spa, where they had some little ponds and he probably wanted a drink and maybe looking for some tourist-discarded snackage for himself. Maybe he wanted to score a pina colada since it was adjacent to the pool. Whatever it was, he scared the ever living shit out of us. Not to mention that I was the only one of the group that knew what it was...the others thought it was either a big hairy cat (that would be Jay, who is almost blind without her glasses) and a beaver (which makes me wonder where the hell these people grew up because beavers have flat tails).

But we survived. And I am just hoping that I won't find myself on America's Funniest Home Videos when the security people review the tape. Damn that was funny.

I can't wait for next time.


Heather said...

Glad that you had a good time. Wish there were pictures of the ground hog incident!

hotlipz said...

Which ones are the leaders?

Builder Mama said...

If you look at the swimsuit pictures - Heather on the far left is "the planner". Next to her is Jay - she's the pregnant one. Then Shannon in the middle - she's more of the free spirit of the group and always up for anything. Then me, then Jen - who I don't really know very well. The interesting thing about this group is that there really wasn't a "leader" which is something I'm not used to. It was like we were all on the same mindset all weekend - everyone was ready to do something at the same time, everyone was up for dinner at the same place, etc. I'm more used to there being an alpha dog in the group but I haven't really figured out who that is yet!

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

sounds heavenly, looks heavenly, groundhogs bedamned!!!

g-man said...

I didn't see any fake boobs or mullets this weekend but I bet you saw some fake ones.

Glad you had fun. We all need that.

joansy said...

I'm glad you had a good time. The beaver story was great.

Esmerelda said...

Sounds like a weekend I had at Massanuten with wild deer. We called it wild girls and wild deer!

Glad the groundhog didn't getcha!