Stupid is as stupid does

One of my least favorite parts of my job is dealing with insurance coverage for our subcontractors. Basically, I have to make sure that all of these jacklegs have insurance, that it's project-specific, that they have the appropriate coverage levels, and a bevy of other requirements.

Most of the time, this isn't a problem. We have a large amount of subcontractors that we work with quite a bit, and they know the drill. Their certificates are always right, always on time, and in the unusual event that something has to be redone they take care of it promptly and cheerfully.

Sometimes you get a subcontractor that can't provide the correct coverages. For example, we require $5 million of excess liability coverage. For a small subcontractor, it doesn't really make sense to provide this level because it's very expensive and most other general contractors don't require it. So then I have to go through a whole chain of command to get someone in the ownership group at the office to say it's okay for said subcontractor to keep the lower coverage - or that we have to find someone else that can perform the work and provide the coverage we require. Not fun, but doesn't happen very often.

And then, you get people who just don't get it. Like the stupid bitch I ended up wasting twenty minutes of my day arguing with on the phone today.

What should happen - we should have a current certificate of their insurance coverage on file at all times. It just so happens that this company is working on two projects for us. These projects have the same owner - I'll call them ABC Company just for anonymity - but they are two distinctly different projects. We have separate contracts for both projects. The subcontractors have subcontracts for the specific job that they're working on. And this company that Stupid Bitch works for happens to be working on both projects. Therein lies the beginning of the problem.

So let's say one job is called "ABC Company Corporate Headquarters" and the other job is "ABC Design Showroom". Now, follow along down my road of frustration for today.

I had received a notice from our accounting department this morning that this company's insurance coverage had expired for the ABC Corporate Headquarters job. They had given us a new one for the Design Showroom job, so I put together one of my little request forms and faxed it over to their office yesterday afternoon. Today, I received a fax from Stupid Bitch with the insurance certificate for the wrong job. It didn't take me more than a second to decide that a phone call was in order, since obviously Stupid Bitch couldn't read.

And so, the conversation started out a little rocky and then went rapidly downhill from there:

Me: Hi, Stupid Bitch, this is Liz with XYZ Company. I just wanted to let you know that I received your fax earlier today, but it's for the wrong job.

SB: What? I don't understand.

Me: I got your insurance certificate. However, it's for the Design Center job. I need a new one for the Headquarters job.

SB: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Me: Okay, do you remember sending me an insurance certificate for ABC Design Center today?

SB: Yes (sounding annoyed)

Me: (getting annoyed) Well, what you sent me was the wrong job. I need a new insurance certificate for the ABC Headquarters job.

SB: Hold on, let me look. Yes, I sent it to you. I sent it to you today.

Me: No, the one you sent me isn't for the right project.

SB: I only have one ABC project on the books.

Me: Well, there are two. The ABC Headquarters and the ABC Design Center.

SB: No, there is only one job.

Me: No. There are two jobs. One is called ABC Headquarters. The other one is called ABC Design Center.

SB: Well, we only have one contract.

Me: No, you do not. You have one contract on the Headquarters job, and one contract on the Design Center job.

SB: I don't see how this could be possible....

And on and on we went for fifteen minutes. Finally, after she managed to wrap her three brain cells around the fact that, duh, there are two separate jobs, the conversation took a sharp nose dive.

SB: So what you're telling me is that there are two jobs?

Me: Yes, there are two separate jobs. Two separate contracts. And I need two separate insurance certificates.

SB: Are they for the same owner?

Me: Yes, they are...

SB: So how about if I take the insurance certificate for the ABC Design Center and just wite-out the "Design Center" part?

Me: No, I'm sorry, but it has to come directly from your carrier and have the correct name on it.

SB: Ma'am, I don't understand why you're being so difficult about all of this!

Me: Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you haven't even seen difficult yet. Let me put this in language you can understand. I need a new insurance certificate. I need one that has the job name of ABC Headquarters Project on it. I need our company to be listed as additional insured. I need for all the coverage to be what is specified in your contract. And until I get this, you will not be receiving any further payments. Is that pretty clear to you now?

SB: Forget it. I'll figure something out.

And the next thing I knew, she had hung up on me. And then Chachi came into my office to find me banging my head on my desk.

Three hours later, I finally got the certificate of insurance. I almost want to lose it just so I don't have to pay that stupid bitch.

Sometimes, they really don't pay me enough to put up with bullshit like that.