Of black eyes, peeling skin, and missing fingers

And that was just after lunchtime today.

First, I went to get a skin peel today. My friend April turned me onto this amazing skin clinic located in one of the local hospitals - she started going last year and her formerly horrible skin is now so much better that it's amazing. So I got the "Sensi" peel today, which is basically a very mild acid peel that is supposed to even out skin texture and clear up "congestion". Sounds good, right? Yeah, well, it's not so great when someone is wiping acid on your face. I guess it could've been a lot worse, but that shit burned. Not to mention the fact that she did some extractions (or as you and I normal folks would call it, she popped some zits) so by the time I walked out of there I looked like someone had scrubbed me down with a Brillo pad and then poked a thumbtack all over my chin. It's a good look for me!

The worst part is really kind of silly, but I can't wear makeup for 24 hours. And for a high maintenance chick like myself, that is a Big Fucking Deal. I don't think I've been out in public without makeup on in like 25 years, not including the occasional covert trips to Food Lion to get Tampax or Immodium under cover of night. So I sauntered back to the office and sequestered myself in my office for the rest of the afternoon, hoping against hope that no one would notice my naked face. Um, not so much. Between my new haircut and the fact they caught me "naked", I was the talk of the office. The haircut is basically what I already have - a few different layers cut in, the bangs are swept to one side - so that's not really it. It's my face, in all of it's zitty, broken-capillaried glory without benefit of coverup or powder. It ain't purty. Like people kept asking me if I had gone tanning (nope), was I not feeling well (well no but a whole other story), and about everything you can imagine. Geez.

So when I got back to the office, I found an email from my dad. For being 84, my dad is fairly internet-savvy and I get at least one e-mail a week from him. And today's note?

"A few days ago I fell out in the shed. Tripped on a cord and I got a big lump on my forehead, two black eyes and a lot of bruises. The good news, no broken bones and it did not damage the
floor. The lump is getting smaller and the black eyes are not so black now. The cord I tripped is now gone in the trash can."

A man of action, my dad is. Evil cords begone! But this concerns me, so I call my sister to see if she had heard about it. Well, as usual, we discover that apparently my mother left out some integral parts of the story (her version being "your father had a little fall and is fine") never mind the part about the big knot on his head and the two black eyes. Jesus.

So while all this is going on, I get a message from SG - "Call me, I have something really interesting to tell you." Of course, being the Nosy Noggin around these parts, I am intrigued.

"So, guess what I did last Friday? I cut part of my finger off."

Apparently, he was working on some woodworking equipment in his garage last Friday afternoon. He is extremely safety-conscious and has all the proper guards and equipment to use the stuff, and even his dad says that he is almost too careful. So he finished using his planer, had the machine turned off to clean up the sawdust and move parts back into place...and his pants pocket caught the on switch and the top part of his left index finger was turned into a bloody pile of sawdust. There was no tip left to be sewn back on. Basically, from the top third up is gone forever. I guess the good news is that he is going to see a reconstructive surgeon next week to see what can be done to fix it up a little bit. The bad news is that he's left-handed, so writing and typing is proving to be somewhat of a challenge.

"But Liz? Do me just one favor?"

"Anything, hon. What do you need?"

"Please, please don't tell Cat Door M. I will never fucking hear the end of it."

"Don't worry, SG. I feel fairly confident that he has done much stupider things than that."

So as long as we don't have any death or dismemberment between now and 10 PM, this will be a successful day.