Explosive colon-cleansing goodness

Where to start? There's a lot of little shit going on around here. Not really sure where to start, so this will probably be fairly random instead of the well-constructed posts that you all are used to. Ahem.

I got an email from my dad today that he and my mom are headed off on a two-day trip. Granted, they're riding on a bus with a bunch of other old geezers, but this is huge. This is their first trip since right before Dad got sick and almost died. They called tonight and the excitement in their voices was palpable. Well, except for the part where my mom was bitching about having to eat at Cracker Barrel on the trip. But you can't win them all.

On the other side of the fence, my sister has been getting quotes on getting her kitchen redone. Apparently, her glass stovetop has an enormous crack in it and needs replacing, therefore it's one of those typical home improvement sagas where suddenly the countertop sure would look better if it was new...and how about maybe a little trim right there...and hey, let's rip down this wall too while we're at it! She's in a little bit of sticker shock right now because all of the numbers are coming in at least $10K over her budget. I suggested, probably despite my better judgement, that she call Cat Door M for an estimate. He rolled by Joey's office today to look at a room they need remodeled and he fessed up to Joey that he is almost out of work - so this could be good for my sister in getting a good, cheap price. Part of me is a little scared of having my sister and Cat Door in the same hemisphere together, mostly because she knows me as a sweet little sister and he knows me as a raucous broad who can cuss like a truck driver and drink you under the table. Methinks this might be a bad idea.

We had little ugly in-law action on Easter weekend. Basically, all I can say at this point is that it's amazing that two people who are in their 60's can't behave like civilized adults instead of spoiled, petulant children. And they wonder why we're not eager to come visit?

Speaking of shit, I picked up a little something at GNC today. A cleansing diet. Two girls in the office tried it and lost between 10 and 15 pounds and have kept it off for about 3 months. I have really been struggling in the weight loss department - of those 6 pounds that I gained over our vacations, 4 are permanently lodged on my ass and the other 2 come and go at will. So you could say I'm getting a little desperate. The theory is that you take a packet of pills in the morning, a packet in the evening, and drink some fiber at lunchtime. Not to mention that you're supposed to eat all-natural, all-organic food. That part will be the challenge - well, that and praying that all these herbs and fiber don't cause me to have what I would lovingly refer to as explosive diarrhea. Good thing my office is only three doors down from the bathroom. I think I'm going to put a sign on the door that says "Out of Order" so that no one goes in there and camps out, you know, just in case I need to go in there and camp out.

So now that I've shared my colon cleansing with you, it's time to share something that made my day. A few weeks ago, GMan and I had been e-mailing back and forth about music and I told him I was going to drop a little love bomb in the mail. A CD of some of my angst music - a mix tape, if you will. I'm assuming this now means that we're officially dating! But seriously, I sent it up there and then last week, I get this email from GMan:

"Can you send me a picture of you at your desk giving the “horns” ?" Not a request you get every day. You know that this can't be good. So it took me until Sunday to finally convince Joey to take a picture of me (which was a hilarious adventure, me making the devil horns on Easter Sunday and Joey just about pissing in his pants) and email it to GMan. And now, I present to you, the album art:

Builder Mama - I'd Rather Feel Pain Than Nothing at All, which will be available through the Time-Life collection for the low price of $19.99!

Do you like the studded collar that he gave me? I think it's pretty kicky. And if you look closely at my right arm, you see a tattoo of everyone's favorite boss:

EPOD

So, I leave you with that image. Tune in tomorrow for a big product review, especially all my PIM's who have kids going to Kindergarten this fall.

Devil horns and kindergarten. Boy, am I on a roll.