Thursday, January 18, 2007

Nice to see that some things don't change

I'd say the sexual harassment seminar the other day was a raging success.

We are harassing the shit out of each other at the office.

Actually, the attorney that did the seminar was surprisingly funny and interesting too considering he was about 100 years old and was wearing a bowtie. Bowties are just so not hot. Anyhow, the poor guy was not only trying to be interesting but he was also competing with some of the best damn box lunches I've had in these parts...and when you get like 75 people with rustling napkins, opening plastic containers, stage whispers of "anyone have any extra mayonnaise?", you're really fighting a losing battle.

He had a pretty dry Power Point presentation basically outlining our company policy, but the part that I liked the most was that he talked about some of the cases that his firm had handled. One of them totally fascinated me: This branch manager of a company called his firm and said that everyone that worked at that particular office was complaining about this young female employee who would come in every Monday morning and describe in graphic detail the Raging Hot Monkey Sex that she was having every weekend (to which I say Bah! She must not have been married!). So the attorney goes up to the branch office to interview all the employees and each one of them has their own story about something Monkey Sex Girl has done...however, no one can corroborate anyone else's story. But the attorney thinks that obviously if all these people (including the landscaper) find this girl objectionable, then there are grounds for firing her.

So they let her go. And about six months later, the branch manager ended up getting fired for some transgression and suddenly the attorney's phone was ringing off the hook. Guess what?

Every single person at that branch office had lied. The girl had done nothing, but the branch manager had some sort of vendetta against her and threatened each employee that if they didn't back him up that he was going to fire them.

Methinks someone was pissed that he wasn't the recipient of Raging Hot Monkey Sex.


So we all left the seminar after signing our lives away that Yes, We are Aware of the Consequences of Photocopying Ourselves Nekkid and Such Transgressions, and returned to our desks. For the rest of the day, everyone kind of acted a little on the stiff side and pretty much avoided any contact with anyone else. It was odd. Really odd.

But of course, this morning, I was walking by Jim at the copier and he said, "Damn, not only do you look good, but you smell great too!"

So of course, I had to return the compliment and tell him that he looked like a total stallion today.

Then one of the VP's asked me if I was interested in shutting his office door so we could do naughty things to each other.

And it went on. And on. And on.

"Geez, I'm glad that the seminar didn't change things around the office, " I said to Chachi.

"Yeah, well me too. Hey, do you have that video of the monkeys having sex?"

Oh yeah. Things never change. We are the poster children for sexual harassment.


Well, we're off to Baltimore in the morning for a little R & R. We'll be meeting Mama Maven and G-Man and their tribe for dinner tomorrow night, so I have no idea if I'll get to check in tomorrow or not.

No running tonight - my back has been twinging a wee bit and I am just beat, beat, beat. Saving up my energy for all the walking this weekend not to mention tossing a few back.

Oh, and to my friend Chiapet who I was hoping to see this weekend - I hope Little Man is better soon. I'll give you a call when you're there and see how everything is going! Chiapet gives the best, best, best hugs ever, but I think after this week she could use a hug from me!


Esmerelda said...

Enjoy Baltimore! I'll wave at you from Columbia....

g-man said...

I do enjoy a harassment rich environment! Cant wait for tomorrow, seafood and booze! My second and third favorite things. Tomorrow I'll be going to my Columbia office to do some BS work and hopefully have lunch and a nooner with my lovely wife :) at 1pm I'll have my 40 for the week so I'll be on my way home.

joansy said...

Sounds like my kind of workplace -
Have a great trip!

MPPs Mom said...

I could so use a hug. Your post had me laughing hard at the beginning and with tears at the end. You are a great friend Builder Mama!!

Gretchen said...

Now I know where to apply for a job...

Have a great weekend!

Tree said...

Have a great time, Builder Mama! Say hi to Mama Maven for me!!