Spanky, spanky

That's what I could've used today - a good can of birthday whoop-ass. It turned out to be a really good day.

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Monkeys and men

A quick summary of Monkey Man's birthday party on Sunday. We ended up with 8 total kids, which really wasn't bad but not what I had hoped. I'm still pretty irritated with the other non-RSVPers but I figure the quicker I get to Lowe's, buy some lumber and nails to build a bridge to get over it, the better off I am.

The gossip of the party involved an accident that happened last Friday night outside our neighborhood. Apparently, one of our neighbors had bought a Porsche Cayenne the previous week and the neighbors were having a happy hour when one of the neighbors started busting on the guy for spending that much money on an SUV. I'm sure he took this as some inference to the size of his dick, because he challenged the neighbor to get into the Cayenne so he could show her how cool it was. Fifteen minutes later, he rolled the stupid thing, was thrown out, and it landed on top of him. He broke his neck. And she has multiple injuries. And I ask, what the fuck were the other neighbors doing to let their friends who had obviously been drinking take off on a challenge in a sports vehicle on one of the most dangerous roads in the city? Ugh.

Anyhow, the kids had a total blast and the only snafu was that the pizza we ordered from a place two doors up from the gym was late getting there so we were crunched for time at the end. But damn, that was some of the best pizza we've had in a long time. Either that or we were so hungry we could've eaten Road Kill Pizza.

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So where is my birthday spanking?

Thanks for all the comments for my birthday. And Gretchen, I am still waiting for you to sing to me in your Stinky Cat voice. I love it when you sound like that, you sexy beast you.

I do have to defend Joey for a moment. Yes, HotLips was right in that men don't listen. To his credit, he did actually buy me one of the things I'd picked out - I wanted a "right hand ring" and it has to be sized, so it won't be ready for 3 weeks. The behemoth that I opened last night was what I ended up taking back.

Back in February, we had been in Vegas for a few days and Joey bought me this gorgeous bracelet at the David Yurman store. I wear it every day. What he gave me last night was a humongous version of the same bracelet I already have, and the first thing I thought was "where the heck am I going to wear THAT?" It had all these amethysts in dark purple and light purple and really wasn't practical for everyday wear. And if you're paying that kind of money, I want to wear the fucker every damn day until my arm falls off. It wasn't that kind of bracelet, it was a "wear to the Christmas party and an occasional night out" thing.

And do you know why he picked it? One, so I would have something to open since the ring won't be ready for a few weeks. Two, it was purple, his favorite color. Guys are so simple, aren't they?

So it's been exchanged for a beautiful necklace that I can't wait to wear tomorrow. It's all good.

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Nervous breakdown

I haven't done the first thing toward Christmas shopping. Okay, I lied, my siblings and I went in on a new computer for my parents.

This weekend really needs to be Commando Christmas Shopping. I need to load up my flask, put on my boots, and get my ass to the mall and get everything done. The saleslady in the jewelry store tonight said that the busiest weekend will be the 15th because people are still trying to figure out what to get everyone. Uh, yeah, really?

Our situation is a little unusual because half of my family has December birthdays. Which is great but also sucks the life out of you as well. I usually get a really nice birthday and Christmas, while those who fall later in the month get royally screwed. I knew they induced my mom early for some reason.

To top off things, I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm getting sick. I better get some Airborne in my body stat. Because even if I'm on life support, I've got to make a serious dent in the Christmas list this weekend.

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Hey, if anyone knows about the Topless Pancake House in Las Vegas, could you please enlighten me? No, it's not for me. More on this later.