Scared

I don't even know where to start.

Yesterday, Dad started running a fever so apparently he has some sort of infection of unknown origin. They ran urine and blood cultures - urine came back with a little bacteria in there but the blood cultures won't be ready until tonight at the absolute earliest. They gave him a dose of some high-powered antibiotics and are waiting for the results to do further treatment.

He slept yesterday from about 5 - 8 PM - a good, sound sleep. He was much more peaceful than he'd been all day and when he woke up he was a lucid as can be. We sat up and watched the NASCAR race at Bristol for about two hours which is really something considering he doesn't even really like NASCAR. Then around 10 we called it a night. The nurses came in and out all night long doing breathing treatments, giving medication, etc.

Around 4 AM is when things started getting hairy. I had woken up to use the bathroom and as I watched Dad sleeping I noticed that he was wheezing - NOT a good sign. I went out to the nurse's station and got his nurse to come check on him, and in about 30 minutes the cardiology PA showed up and said she'd order a chest x-ray to make sure he doesn't have pneumonia. He got another breathing treatment in the meantime and the wheezing had stopped.

I rode down with him to x-ray and he slept most of the way. The man is exhausted - between the fever, the ongoing blood pressure issues, no food (except IV nutrition), the staff waking him up almost every hour on the hour, he has got to be worn slam out. We are now on Day 10 of this whole shitfest and I can't help but wonder how much more he can take. We're hoping to hear about the x-ray sometime today but with it being a weekend, who knows when it will happen.

I'm at my parents' house now to "nap" (ha ha ha - I don't think I can turn my brain off long enough to nap) and shower and then it's back to the hospital for the night.

I am scared, scared, scared. And I don't think I can cry anymore.