The good, the bad, and the ugly

Apparently Dad didn't have a great day today. At least that's the impression that I got from my sister, who had very limited opportunities to talk to me today. When he was moved into Cardiac from ICU, his IV's got screwed up yet again and they never re-hooked his pain meds, so he went all night pushing the goddamn button only to have it not working. The morning shift got him straightened back out, but by that point he was exhausted and not breathing as well today. I'm petrified that he's going to get pneumonia just to add one more problem to the list.

The state of the nursing care at the hospital is causing us major stress. I hate feeling so out of control over the whole situation. I've always been the feisty one in the family - the one who isn't afraid to make a stink when things aren't going right, who isn't afraid to stand up for what's right. And dammit, it's so frustrating to have this shit happening over and over again. And being up here gives me no control whatsoever.

My sister has been down there spending nights at the hospital and dealing with our mother which would make even Job scream for mercy, and here I am at home trying to cram 5 days of work into 2 days and trying to get things at home straightened out while I feel like I need to be down there with my dad. Joey did a great job keeping things running while I was gone, but he has a very demanding job and a lot of people that depend on him for their jobs - so he has been really stressed out too and trying so very hard to be understanding and caring. He keeps telling me to go back to my dad, but I know deep in my heart that he's not really aware that this isn't going to be a temporary thing. This could drag on for months and months. How patient will he be when I keep having to leave?

My job is another situation altogether. I was assigned to yet another project today and I'm about at the breaking point, and I forsee some personnel changes that might be coming down the pike and it makes me scared of losing my job. I am debating asking about FMLA so that I can deal with my dad's situation without fear of losing my job. On the other hand, I've been here for 10 years and shouldn't have to fear for my job either....

Normally I'm able to be the optimist in this house. So maybe I should try to think of all the good things that have happened this week:

*The rash is gone. All it took was a shot in the ass and a round of steroids. And, sweet irony, Eeyore's rash is gone too. No shot or steroids necessary.
*I am teaching Monkey Man how to play dominos. I am hoping this may be a useful skill someday when he's in a nursing home or something.
*The Starbucks in the hospital lobby finally opened on Monday. The drink they fixed me was atrocious, but I swear that just holding the little paper cup made my blood pressure drop significantly.
*I irritated my mother by refusing to try a piece of fatback. I found that highly satisfying for obvious reasons.
*I discovered that my sister and I share some of the same food quirks, which is really odd considering she was grown and out of the house when I was born. Tell me that's not weird as shit.
*I lost four pounds. I'm calling it The Hospital Food Diet, look for the book this fall in your local bookstore.

There, I feel better now. And to those who have commented about taking care of myself, that is one thing that my mom, sister and I have been doing - we all made sure that we ate good meals and got some exercise every day. Sleep is another issue, but we can get some of that later. I'm thinking that next time I go back I will bring some kind of memory foam mattress topper to sleep on at my parents' house instead of the bed of nails I slept on last week. My ass is still hurting from that stupid bed, which of course my mother claims is the best bed ever. I guess it is if you like feeling like you've been bludgeoned with a baseball bat.